Sorry

Again and again,
You’re always sorry.
For the way you slung your words and spit fire from your tongue when you were smoldering, I the cherry on top when you wanted to explode.
For the way you looked at me with hatred in your eyes.
Sorry.
For each time you made me cry.
For the amount of times you spewed things that held no worth.
Sorry for making me feel like less of a woman, wife, and mother. Sometimes I think I was better left swallowed, never to walk the earth.
Wondering what i I did this time to make you blow your cover,
You’re sorry again and this time I am unforgiving.
Love is not getting overwhelmed, and watch the hate start spilling.
I am not your punching bag, But here you are slinging like it’s your job.
Your job, will always come first.. although you say it doesn’t..
I am growing tired, of hearing those five little words.
A bandaid that ultimately won’t fix.
So many tears away from a broken heart and footsteps to follow…
Another argument starts and I begin to hollow,
The outbursts are getting old and I am growing weary ..
Is it too much to ask to let me feel like a human being?
When I am with you, I skate around on thin ice. Hold my breath and tongue to avoid an unavoidable fight.
I am always doing something wrong, something I shouldn’t have or not doing enough.
So many things I did or didn’t do I can’t keep up.
A never ending list, I apologize if it is I that’s causing this.
For how many times are you truly sorry? The way you speak to me.
If you were sorry, having this conversation we wouldn’t be…
Yo said I take things to heart, and I completely agree, It’s hard not to take things there when you are a part of me.
I vowed and I promised, I stuck by your side.
In the end, it is my flaws that created our demise.
I want to be happy, and I no longer think I am the one.
We had magical memories, and created a beautiful son.
What is happiness, and how do I make it for you when happy you are not when you are with me?
You say you love me, and for a long time I think you did…
Until I unraveled, and during my downfall I slid.
How morose it is to feel like you are the root of this hitch.
Like something wrong with me, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fix.
Sorry you are again.. reading this I hope we’ve not truly met our end.
And if we do, it is I, sorry that could not find the tools to mend.
Until next time, I watch my heart descend.
Lower and lower into a cave of pitch black.. how to lower your guard when you feel you are always under attack?
I did try, to be my best and a forever friend.
Your rock, your shoulder, everything and more…
Different allies you may be pining to explore.
I’m sorry that I am not enough, and that you are beginning to abhor..
But I am pouring from an empty cup, and handing you my last drops.
When I say that I am trying, I hope you know the value of my words.
Trying so hard, a voice screaming to be heard.
I just want love, and everything that comes with it.
To make you proud, I am not counterfeit.
I’ll love you until the trees have lost their leaves, the water has left the seas, until the birds no longer sing, and the wind blows no breeze… more importantly – until I am no longer me.

Hi! Cadlynne Dovel here, hopeless romantics. Withering relationship, mother of one and animal lover beyond what words can express.

Blog: https://n0tyetforgotten.wordpress.com/

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6 thoughts on “Sorry

  1. Your poetry is exquisitely painful to read. Cadlynne if this is your real situation, take your child, get out and stay out. I have been where you are, it took me 2 years to go. Men who hit women never stop, in the UK where I live we have Women’s Refuge. We also have 2 women a week who are killed by violent partners. It is not your fault. Please get some help and advice. I send you love and healing light. Be safe sister, be safe.
    ❤👩‍🦰🦊❤🙏🙏🙏

    Like

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