Poem #304

The endless vortex of the mind of an overthinker.

I step outside for the cold air to numb me.
I walk the streets aimlessly to let the traffic deafen my thoughts.
The lights are dancing all around me to the sound
of the melody from my headphones.

Only my heart, my exhausted heart
cannot keep up with the rhythm.
It’s skipping, it’s pounding,
It’s using my ribcage as an instrument
to create an epitaph to my sanity.

The moment of stillness at the crossroads
when all lights were red
gave a tear a chance to skate down my frozen cheek.
Red, yellow, green, the cars start going.
“Maybe I should step on to the road”
“Don’t be stupid, the vortex will calm down”
“I cannot handle this”
“I need to find a way to control it”
Deep breath, green light
one step, two step
closed doors, my back slide down until my body hits the floor.

When I close my eyes, I see myself scream from the top of my lungs.
But in reality, not a single sound comes out.
No one can hear, no one can know.
“Who would understand you have a vortex in your head?”
I got to bed and hoped sleep would come with some silence and rest.

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