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Power of love or love of power?

Any person with a slight view of their future has some sort of goals and dreams they are trying to achieve. I’m the kind of person that is so determined to make my dreams come true that sometimes I view everyday things as pure obstacles on my way. What happens when love, one of the strongest feelings, becomes an obstacle for us and we corrupt it in order to move forward?

During the course of my life I’ve never been in any kind of serious relationship and I kept telling myself it was because I can’t find the right guy or the right time or some other excuse people make up in order not to face their own feelings. Lately I’ve been getting tired of excuses and talking about the problems. I decided to face it.

I love power too much and I love having the power over my life and my future which means opening up to someone and showing them how weak I can be is an invasion of my power. Many of us are like that, but only some of us will confess it. Power is something people fight for everyday – at work, in schools, in society groups and in relationships, but did we take it too far? We took our hearts out of the picture and we gave our brains another function –they are beating for us.

Feelings, love, honesty, trust and loyalty are such a twisted phenomenon for us that we can’t even recognize them when we see them. People started perceiving relationships and opening up to people as a power trade in which they lose if the other side is being ‘’smart’’ enough to keep their power all to themselves and trade lies instead. We are ready to live in a relationship with our power but we aren’t ready to open up and create something worth living for.

Now I speak to all people like me. You have the power but the longer you keep it without risking it, the more it becomes comfort and you lose it. Selfishly holding on to your power and locking the doors of your world is showing fear and not power. The true power is being able to let someone in and stitch your wounds when they are gone. The true power is being strong enough to be weak in front of someone. The true power is standing strong after having your heart shattered. Love is true power, it’s not a weak point.

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Tinker Bells around the world

She wants it and she needs it. She craves for it. It’s the only thing on her mind. She just wants to feel it deep inside of her. She needs you to give it to her. Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about attention. She and all of the others like her only need attention, you know what I mean?

For the sake of keeping this post slightly more decent I will quote a picture I saw on instagram: “I identify with Tinker Bell because she needs attention or she dies and that’s pretty much me”.

I could slap this quote on so many girls’ foreheads just so that the people around them would know what they expect from them, and by people I mean men and lots of them. As I said for the sake of keeping this post slightly more decent I will address this group of attention seekers as Tinker Bells.

Well aren’t those Tinker Bells adorable? You know at least one of them. Her characteristics are that she laughs loudly to be noticed, will flirt with anyone just so that she would come off as desirable, she will pay more attention to her looks and the shortness of her skirt than on making a progress in life, she is the kind of girl who will get in bed with anyone just to get attention and recognition of her looks and, my honestly favorite characteristic – she has no shame, moral and will cross any line just to be surrounded by men. She pretty much needs to have a man strapped around every one of her fingers to validate her life. Pathetic, if you ask me.

Many women who comment on such behavior are being called bitter and jealous. We are not. We are ashamed of the previously mentioned behavior because it makes us all look desperate, in search of attention and just plain pathetic. It’s similar to women getting to high positions in their jobs because they sleep with someone. Some women do it so we all get accused of doing it. As a person that has done many stupid things in her life I can say that I partially understand such behavior but what I don’t understand is when will the Tinker Bells grow up and stop embarrassing all of us?

Snap the hell out of it because the longer you keep with this behavior the more your self-value diminishes. Have some class. When I say class I don’t refer to clothes, shoes, bags etc. I refer to something that can only be grown inside of you. Having class means knowing your worth, being aware of your flaws, having self-respect, not letting everyone have their way with you and fighting to become a better person every day. Those are things you can’t wear or buy. You need to develop them through hard work.

Tinker Bells, stop embarrassing yourself by needing attention to validate your life. Just stop. If you keep on thinking you need anyone to be someone, you will end up being no one.

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Where do the feelings go?

Once the clocks on our hearts strike end and once a relationship has no meaning or function in our life where does it all go? Where do the feelings go?

I remember a certain “Sex and the City” episode in which Carry asks the same question and then says that it goes to their new girlfriends. I’ve often disagreed with Carrie’s outfits and I sometimes agreed with her theories but this one is an exception. I disagree.

The after part of a relationship has two possible outcomes.

The first one is the classic breakup we are all familiar with. You break up, start avoiding each other, start talking behind each other backs, go through mourning phases, text  each other, start again, fail, have rebound phases and so on. Here the feelings still exist but you don’t know how to get rid of them so you are trying every single thing except for dealing with them in a healthy way because let’s be honest the healthy way is the extinct and boring way. Mostly you just try to prove that you are great and that the breakup meant nothing to you.

The second outcome is the fabulous let’s stay friends outcome. It’s not fabulous. It’s an overture for a disaster. Where there are feelings there will be weakness and there will be benefits. All of that leads to a drama more tangled than Rapunzel’s hair which will only end up in a fight. The whole concept of staying friends with benefits with you ex is completely stupid. It’s like being allergic to peanuts and eating a Snickers every day – it makes no sense. I should know because I was stupid enough to do it twice.

One of you broke off the relationship which means that the other one will feel the need to compensate for being abandoned. That person is often prone to pretending they have no feelings, trying to hurt you on purpose, acting like they own the world when they are actually miserable. One of you two will also be honest and just go with the flow. That person will develop some kind of feelings which will end up in sadness or rage.

Rage is my thing. I think it’s positive as long as people know how to point it in the right direction and what is most important – rage will make you make your breakup final. No strings attached, no emotions, no anything. Pure rage pointed to getting your life back on track. You will notice his/her flaws, you will realize what didn’t work and you will sure as hell be sure that the breakup was the right choice and, sometimes, you will realize the whole thing was just a strike. You will be fine with it when you realize you can’t change the past.

My advice to you is that you need to end things when they aren’t working out anymore. The more you keep on trying to build something out of nothing, the bigger the disaster in the end will be. When you click the X on your laptop you want to close something so do it in real life too.

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Relationships

Relationships – we all talk about them. Relationships with our family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, professors, classmates… They are essential for our existence because a human being wasn’t born to live alone.

Since the day we are born we seek human touch, presence and the sense of security that comes with the notion that someone is around but what happens when that just isn’t enough? What happens when relationships become a burden and our mind spirals out of control? How do we form that sense of security that comes with the notion that someone is around if all we want to do is be alone?

Sometimes we get so caught up in all of our relationships that we forget to keep our eyes wide open and remember why we are doing everything we do. Relationships make distractions become our daily routine and then out of the blue our life comes knocking at the door and we’re so scared to open because we become aware of the mistakes we can’t fix.

Right in that moment when we realize nothing is going our way and that we can’t fix it starts the phase of finger-pointing. Everyone is to blame for our failures. We are victims of circumstances. We didn’t bring this on ourselves. It’s their fault, everything is their fault!

We start to blame everyone around us for every bad thing that happens because admitting that we didn’t take control of our life in time is one more burden our backs can’t carry. It’s easier to look at yourself as a little victim than it is to blame yourself for your problems.

In the stage of finger-pointing we normally push people away because we constantly see them as the cause of our misery. Right in that moment our mind is a blur, our eyes don’t see clearly. Right in that moment you need to snap out of it!

Stop blaming everyone and admit it was you. You did this and that. You didn’t take care of yourself. Forgive yourself and give yourself some time to go over everything you did wrong. Don’t push people away, just take time away from them. Take some time to work on your most important relationship and that is the one you have with yourself. You are the alpha and the omega of your life and only you can save yourself.

Work on improving yourself as a person and just take some time to learn how to build that sense of security on your own. Learn how to handle yourself and most importantly learn how to forgive and respect yourself. Make sure you can count on yourself when everything goes down.

Don’t expect you’ll be able to have healthy relationships with other people if you are not one complete person and if you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself.

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You’re an individual

A lot of things have happened lately in my life. I’ve moved into a new apartment, had a lot of problems and somewhere in the middle of all of that I forgot the things that made me who I am. I forgot my priorities. I just drifted away from everything I’ve been fighting for and now I’m trying to get back on track and in touch with myself. The worse things that are tormenting me right now are doubts and I came to one simple conclusion.

Sometimes solitude is the best thing you can give to yourself. Just some time to remember how it feels like to be alone with your head and your thoughts. The thought of having to spend time with myself and thinking about the things I’ve done and things that have been done to me is terrifying but I just need to step out of my comfort zone and so should you.

If you need some time alone don’t be afraid to shut the door to the whole world. The people who understand you for who you are will give you time to get back on point. The people who understand will still be ringing at that door and if you don’t want some of them around it’s okay not to open to those people. Don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you, don’t be afraid to be selfish sometimes.

If someone doesn’t understand your life path and doesn’t push you everyday to be a better person then he’s not your friend. He’s an acquaintance and you shouldn’t waste your time taking care of someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.

Don’t make friendship and go into relationships just because you’re afraid to lose someone. You are and individual and you need to learn how to live like one because then, and only then, will you find the people you need and you will be happy. The road to happiness is scary but good things will never be easy so don’t take even the smallest moment of happiness for granted because it might never come back.

If you don’t learn how to be an individual you will constantly fall under the influence of others and you will never be satisfied with yourself. How do you expect to accomplish anything if you nod you head to other people’s opinions and demands without stating your mind just because you are afraid of a confrontation? Set your priorities straight and fight for them.

Make a list of your priorities and hang it somewhere on the wall to remind yourself of who you are, what you need and who you strive to become. For every day that you do something that gets you closer to who you are, put a plus next to your priority. For every day you fall off track also put a plus because you’ve learned something. Don’t be discouraged with your mistakes and please don’t keep on repeating them.

Don’t let fear stop you. Don’t let anyone hold you down and now for the big finale: LOVE YOURSELF. If you feel something is wrong don’t just stop and wait, do something to change your state of mind. Value your own life, virtues, flaws, scars and the strength you have to change everything.

Keep your eyes on the prize. Don’t get scared. Learn how to be alone. Build yourself up as an individual so you could be a part of anything without losing who you are. Get your priorities straight. Love who you are and who you want to become. Fight.

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Change yourself, not the world

The main reasons why we get frustrated are people around us who do something to upset us or are just mean to us. Well, that’s a lie.

The source of stress and anger in your life is you because only you have the power to control the things that get to you. I’m not saying you have full control, because we all know that sometimes it’s just one of those days when nothing goes right and we get frustrated at everyone and we can’t control our emotions.

Now let’s cancel out those days and talk about the thing you do control such as the way you look at people.

  1. YOU NEVER KNOW

This is probably something that I should have learned a long time ago but I didn’t. I’m a judgmental person and what I see is what I judge or at least I used to. For the last year I just realized that you can’t say what somebody is feeling until you walk in their shoes for a day or two.

And what is most important, you can never say you have it harder than someone else. Just because somebody has a smile on their face doesn’t mean they are happy and just because somebody has money doesn’t mean they have it all. Don’t feel superior then someone else just because you think you have more problems but you’re still handling everything better than someone who seems as if they have everything served on a silver plate. I hope that this is making sense because this is the first time I have a problem with expressing myself…

  1. DON’T GIVE A DAMN

“I don’t give a damn” is probably one of my most used sentences. I just don’t give a damn about many things such as people’s opinion. Now, I’m not one of those people who will do what they want and won’t listen to what others have to say. I’m one of those people who will pick the people with which I share a mutual love and respect and I will care about their opinion.

Where the hell do you expect to go in life if you care about every single opinion in this world? Nobody, and listen to me carefully, nobody is good enough to fit everyone’s standards – not even you so stop trying! Just have a circle of trust around yourself and give credit to the people who deserve it. If that circle of trust only includes one person, and that person is you, don’t get scared. Remember what I said in my post Expectations – “The day you learn to stand alone will be the day you become invincible.’’ The right people will come along the way, just keep on going.

  1. IT’S NOT YOUR LIFE

Why do you care what other people do? And by that I mean, why do you compare yourself to others? When you do it you just poison your own mind in a despicable way because comparing leads to social deprivation – don’t do that shit to yourself. While you were checking what’s new with the girl/boy you actually hate you could have been working on becoming a better person. You have one life, it’s your life, it’s the only life you control and the only life you should be 100% involved in. Get your nose out of other people’s business and believe me that all of that poison will just disappear from your life.

  1. LEARN TO WALK AWAY

This is something I still didn’t completely learn how to do. Just turn around and walk away. One step at a time. Just walk away from the people who do nothing for you but expect everything from you. Stay the hell away from people who talk much but do nothing. Turn your back on those who only used you to do their work, their homework, to be their therapist, to listen to their drama without ever paying attention to you. There is only one situation in which you shouldn’t walk away. When it comes to hypocrites you shouldn’t really walk away. You should tell them what you think, swing your leg strong enough to kick them in the butt and kick them out of your life. Amen to that!

I realized that this post is humongous, so I’ll stop here and make a sequel some other day or just take some themes I want to work through more thoroughly. What I was actually trying to say all the time is that you can’t change people around you but you can change yourself and when you manage to do that you’ll find happiness.

Now you tell me, what’s the thing you want to change in the way you see and treat other people? 😉

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Expectations

Expectations. That is a beautiful word that causes so much misery and leads to disappointment every damn time.

You can’t say it isn’t true. We constantly expect things and then get disappointed. We always expect for someone to call, care, do nice things for us and so on, and then we are just left disappointed when we realize that no one is doing anything for us.

Furthermore, mostly people get disappointed because they do various things to make some person happy, and then they wind up alone when they need help. I’m writing this because I’ve been going through something similar now but I won’t describe the situation since I don’t like to include people from my life into my blog so I’m just going to write down what I concluded out of this awful situation of mine.

Firstly, if you’re going to do anything to help someone just don’t expect they’ll do the same for you because most of the time they won’t. It’s sad but it’s true. Some people are just takers and they have no shame in life or the need to show any kind of gratitude towards the people who help them. You need to learn how to recognize those people and learn how to say NO! It’s a lovely word that many of us don’t want to say because we want to avoid confrontations or we don’t want to come off as rude people.

It’s bullshit! Stop making yourself miserable just so others would have a good opinion about you. If you want to do something say yes, but if you don’t then say no. It’s as simple as that. What is the use of making others comfortable and making their lives easier if you are miserable? For some people maybe it’s worth putting up with everything, but some of them just need to go back to their mothers so they could reeducate them because they are rude, disrespectful and ungrateful bastards.

My next conclusion is something I forget about often. You’re alone. No matter how many people you have around you, at the end of the day you’re all you’ve got so you should invest in yourself, work for yourself and depend on yourself and not waste your time on making others happy. This doesn’t mean you should turn your back on the world, this just means that you should be your plan A and plan B. Don’t sit around waiting for people to do something for you because most of the time they won’t, but it doesn’t matter because you are capable enough to take care of yourself. I know that the word alone causes a lot of fear but sometimes it can be positive.

Sometimes you need to go through the toughest time alone to stand on the top and realize how much you are capable of accomplishing with your own two hands. It’s an incredible power that makes you go further and gives you strength to just work your ass off. The day you learn to stand alone will be the day you become invincible.

Hug your friends, love your family, have fun, meet new people, but don’t make any expectations. Don’t get your hopes up and learn to stand alone.

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Wake the f*** up

WAKE THE FUCK UP! I just sometimes have the need to yell that sentence to people. I just don’t understand for how long do people plan on living a life that’s only surviving.

Firstly let’s analyze the sentence literally. You should actually wake up. Nothing will happen while you’re feeling comfy in your bed and looking at the ceiling. There will be no progress in your life if you keep on making those 5 more minutes an hour. Get up, eat something, drink a strong coffee and work for what you want. Success and accomplishment don’t grow on trees. Next time you realize you didn’t do half the things you were supposed to just think if that extra time in bed was worth it.

Now let’s look at it from a wider perspective. People are big talkers but when it comes to working almost none of us do what we say we’ll do. Life isn’t a story waiting to be told – it’s a story waiting to be written. While you’re sitting with your friends and telling them how you’re unhappy about something in life, what are you actually doing to change your current situation for the better? NOTHING, you’re doing nothing! Get your lazy ass up and start working to make your life better.

Why do we still expect help from other people? The number of friends and family members you have isn’t equal to the number of doors you can knock at when you’re having a hard time. I know it’s harsh but it’s the truth. If you want something earn it because as long as you owe anything to anyone you’ll never be free. Open up your eyes – nobody will help you unconditionally and you shouldn’t do the same. I don’t want to sound like an iceberg talking but when it comes down to it it’s every man for himself.

This is probably one of the most annoying things I’ve ever had to listen to. People who have their lives planed out – stop being boring! So society told you that you should get a degree, start up a family, have some kids, find a job, pay your rent and bills, send your kids to school, wait for their graduation, retire and then die so you just decided you should do that. I’m support your decision if you’re doing it because you want that life and because you’ll be happy living like that. The problem begins when you accept that lifestyle and feel miserable for the rest of your life because you always feel that something is missing. Venture outside that sketch that you call a life and find your passion. Don’t settle for less than you want. We live in a world where anything is possible but nothing is easy so work until you find happiness no matter what or where it is.

Stop living a static life and, for the love of God, stop waiting for things to happen. Work your ass off and never give up. You’ll probably go through exhaustion, depression, failure and it will all be worth it because you will eventually succeed but first you have to WAKE THE FUCK UP!

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Change

Change. The word itself causes so much stress and anxiety that some people fear it more than death. What is it so scary about changing that makes us paralyzed and often depressed? In this world where things change on a daily basis are we so scared to venture outside or universe and embrace the change?

All of these questions started popping into my head 3 weeks ago when I realized that I was moving to another city 400 km from home and that I won’t be studying at a college I wanted. I knew I will be moving out of my house and going to university and I was prepared for that but I wasn’t prepared for my plans to be changed and for me to have to encounter new people and a new environment.

I remember the night before my moving day. It was the first time in my life that fear paralyzed me. I fell into an old habit again – smoking. It was the only thing that relaxed me. So I was just sitting there, on the floor of my empty bedroom, with my cigarette, starring at my suitcases. Right about my fifth cigarette I asked myself: ‘’Why are you such a coward?’’

I cried during the ride to my new ‘’home’’ and at night I strolled down the beach all by myself. I barely survived the first night in my new bed. Two days later my roommate came and our parents went home. We were all on our own.

And then it hit me. I could sit here, feeling sorry for myself or I could make this work. Change won’t be scary if you don’t let it take over.

Be in control, make the change compromise and make it adapt to you. Instead of smoking one cigarette after another to lower down the fear, use it as motivation. Let the fear motivate you to become better and to prove to yourself that you are fearless.

Expand your horizons but don’t forget the views you had seen. The best way to make change adapt to you is to keep some of your old habits. For me it was breakfast time after which I make a big coffee for myself, work on my blog and read.

On the other hand I said you had to expand your horizons so make new habits. Make new friends. Just make new! Let the change slide into your life gradually but don’t let it overwhelm you.

If you manage to let go, but still pull all the strings, in a matter of weeks the change will become your everyday life. It will just blend in until it fully disappears and the fear will be gone with it.

I think that the main confusion about change is that we fight for it but we fight against it. The truth of the matter is that without change we would all be in the same place our whole lives and maybe that place is scary, dark and makes us unhappy but we still hold on to it because that place is familiar and in a way it makes us feel safe. It false safety and it’s false happiness so don’t live in it just because you are scared of change.

It’s easier to survive a change and fight a bit harder for a little while than to spend a lifetime in misery so don’t fear the change – embrace it!

P.S. So this is what happened. My FB page was deleted for some reason and I had 2000 fans. I’m trying to get back on my feet so could you help me a little with pressing like.
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Black and white

Throughout my life I’ve learned one thing about me. I’m an extremist. I go from one end to another and the middle in an unknown area for me. It’s black or white, hot or cold, happy or sad. No middle. Even when it comes to the clothes I wear they’re either bursting with colors or they’re one colored.

It got me thinking about life. Is everything really black or white?

In terms of relationships are we allowed to have a gray area? Let’s say you have a boyfriend/girlfriend but you meet someone else who you also like. If you can’t decide what to do you’re standing in the gray area and you are running the risk of hurting two innocent people but if you picked one side, black or white, you’ll only hurt one person. It still isn’t perfect but it’s better than two. In my opinion relationships would be much less complicated if everything was black and white because when we enter that gray area we lose ourselves and we get confused about our whishes and feelings.

In terms of everyday life events we are surrounded by gray areas because the most demanding job is living. There are numerous options and we rarely know which one is right. To be honest none of us ever made a decision that we didn’t question a million times.

For example, you wanted a certain job but didn’t get it so you had to settle for something else. Are you in the black area and everything just went to hell? Even in my black/white opinion I think that sometimes we should just believe that we are in the gray area because there is still hope that we’ll step out to the white side of the story. Maybe that job is just a step towards something better, a promotion or some new job opportunities.

I’m no expert in life but I’ll just be honest. When it’s just about you wander the gray area, let yourself be lost and give yourself a chance to find yourself all over again. When you are running the risk of hurting someone cross the gray area and work fast because you shouldn’t hurt someone just because you don’t know is it black or white. Maybe you’ll end up hurt at the end but I think it’s easier to survive some pain than to live with your conscious and guilt every day.

P.S. So this is what happened. My FB page was deleted for some reason and I had 2000 fans. I’m trying to get back on my feet so could you help me a little with pressing like.
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