Where do the feelings go? – repost

I am writing a poem about this and remembered how much I loved this little article I wrote so I decided to repost it. I hope you like it. 

Once the clocks on our hearts strike end and once a relationship has no meaning or function in our life where does it all go? Where do the feelings go?

I remember a certain “Sex and the City” episode in which Carry asks the same question and then says that it goes to their new girlfriends. I’ve often disagreed with Carrie’s outfits and I sometimes agreed with her theories but this one is an exception. I disagree.

The after part of a relationship has two possible outcomes.

The first one is the classic breakup we are all familiar with. You break up, start avoiding each other, start talking behind each other backs, go through mourning phases, text  each other, start again, fail, have rebound phases and so on. Here the feelings still exist but you don’t know how to get rid of them so you are trying every single thing except for dealing with them in a healthy way because let’s be honest the healthy way is the extinct and boring way. Mostly you just try to prove that you are great and that the breakup meant nothing to you.

The second outcome is the fabulous let’s stay friends outcome. It’s not fabulous. It’s an overture for a disaster. Where there are feelings there will be weakness and there will be benefits. All of that leads to a drama more tangled than Rapunzel’s hair which will only end up in a fight. The whole concept of staying friends with benefits with you ex is completely stupid. It’s like being allergic to peanuts and eating a Snickers every day – it makes no sense. I should know because I was stupid enough to do it twice.

One of you broke off the relationship which means that the other one will feel the need to compensate for being abandoned. That person is often prone to pretending they have no feelings, trying to hurt you on purpose, acting like they own the world when they are actually miserable. One of you two will also be honest and just go with the flow. That person will develop some kind of feelings which will end up in sadness or rage.

Rage is my thing. I think it’s positive as long as people know how to point it in the right direction and what is most important – rage will make you make your breakup final. No strings attached, no emotions, no anything. Pure rage pointed to getting your life back on track. You will notice his/her flaws, you will realize what didn’t work and you will sure as hell be sure that the breakup was the right choice and, sometimes, you will realize the whole thing was just a strike. You will be fine with it when you realize you can’t change the past.

My advice to you is that you need to end things when they aren’t working out anymore. The more you keep on trying to build something out of nothing, the bigger the disaster in the end will be. When you click the X on your laptop you want to close something so do it in real life too.

10 thoughts on “Where do the feelings go? – repost

  1. haha having been schooled in sociology I think the feelings can transpire to more than just binaries. but I liked how you point rage in a positive direction, rage and anger can often be used in the wrong manner

  2. I learned in high school from a girl I was dating that she was still friends with her ex. I thought “what a good idea!” And it was. I’ve had success with it ever since. Maybe I’m an anomaly or just ignorant. But I believe in community building, if I have the opportunity. And really, we will all be dead before we know it. Can we hold on to anger that long? This is more of a question for myself. I understand that we all have viewpoints. There may be no “right” answer.

    1. Depending on the nature of the breakup and the relationship i think.

      1. You are probably right. I haven’t been in a relationship that has gone horribly wrong or abusive.

  3. ‘The more you keep on trying to build something out of nothing, the bigger the disaster in the end will be. ‘ very true.

  4. Always get out the pool while there are still good memories to be had from it.

  5. My advice is next: Meditation, calmness, long life, endless love! 😊

  6. oh I have nominated you for the The Mystery Blogger Award.

    1. Interestiiiiing. I shall check it out 😉

  7. Clean breaks are the hardest, simplest and best thing to do

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close