#savingme – Solace and Sanity

Your hand released
Everything changed
Family extracted
Like I never existed

Lost

Little girl
Tear filled eyes
Stains down on her cheeks
Scars across her tiny body

Prisoner

Love, a foreign dream
Comfort, no such thing
Tragedy, encompassed grief

Suffering

Those dark brown eyes
Concealing what they have seen
Visual antipathy

Broken

Little smile
Pasted on perfectly
Something she learned
Authentic joy a mystery

Alone

Separated siblings
Mix and Match despite their feelings
Disposed of completely

Abandoned

Another child
Made to pay the price
Adult responsibilities
Addiction’s insanity

Violence

Seven years old
Lifetime of misery
Wise beyond belief
Desperately pursuing stability

Acceptance

Running to escape memories
Desperate for harmony
Just a little safety and peace

Solace

Wonderment in simple things
Never taking each breath for granted
Every day a new opportunity

Admiring

Thoughts infiltrating
Positive healing
Complete tranquility

Sunrise

Lost in the majestic beauty
Embraced by strength
Smile on her face
Kissed by the sunlight
Absolute comfort

Serenity

Blog: https://thebrokeninsideofme.com/

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#savingme is the column where abuse victims can publish their experiences just to let go and find comfort and support. Maybe it doesn’t feel like much but just publishing your story for others to read makes you strong. You can send your story about the abuse you went through to savingmestory@gmail.com and you can choose if you want it to be anonymous or not. More details here. 

Positivity Press #52

Drifting assiduity
Groggy reflections
Purposeful stillness
Silencing

Meticulously surrendering

Mindfulness
Such rawness in the void
Profound lucidity

Reminding me

Truth
Love
Purpose
The answers
Complete serenity

All Reside within me

Symbolization attained amidst faded dreams

Blog: https://thebrokeninsideofme.com/

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Be kind to yourself

We hear phrases such as “Listen to your gut” or “Love yourself” everywhere. They are screaming off social media platforms, life coaches use them, we see them written everywhere but do we really grasp the concept of being kind to oneself and loving oneself and listening to our gut?

As always, I’ll start from experience. A few months back I got my bachelors in Italian and Spanish philology. There I was, all proud of myself for finishing the three years without failing one single class, with a title in front of my name and then the time came for me to start my masters which would have taken me two years to finish. That feeling… I’ll never forget that feeling. Every time I thought about going back to my university, spending hours in classes, studying, preparing for exams… It made me want to die. I had extreme panic attacks. My gut was yelling “Hell NOOOOOO”. I told my gut she should shut up because society and my family told me that the field I was in, which was foreign languages, was nothing without a master’s degree. So I listened to what others had to say and I started my masters.

The panic attacks increased. My health was deteriorating. I had to use every single piece of strength I had to pull myself out of bed and attend a single lecture. I hated the world. Negativity was oozing out of my skin. Then my gut decided to fight against my decisions in every way possible. I was never the one to oversleep. If my alarm went off, I was on my feet already making my morning coffee. All of the sudden, I started oversleeping. I wouldn’t hear my alarm and I started to miss my lectures. After a while, I started failing exams. It took me a while to gather the strength and say that I quit. Right then and there I placed the label “FAILURE” on my forehead in big, bold red letters for everyone to see. I called myself a failure.

I promised my family and myself that in a year I would enroll in a private university and start a masters in International relations and diplomacy which costs a lot of money but I came to an agreement with my mom that we would get a student loan from the bank. Since I considered myself to be a failure, I didn’t start looking for a job in my field of expertise because the part of my brain which told me I was a failure also told me that there are people with masters and PHD’s in languages, people who studied abroad who were better than me and that no one would hire me because they could hire those other people who weren’t failures like me. I got a job as a waitress. Regarding that experience I think it’s enough to say that I can’t count how many times I had to drink to make it through my shift but I considered my behavior to be okay because I was a failure.

Time passed by, my health was getting worse, I was making all of the wrong choices regarding relationships in my life and then it hit me. I hated myself and I resented myself so much that I was torturing myself at a job I hated and punishing myself just because I didn’t fit in with societies norms. The time came for me to get the student loan. I was depressed for weeks. I didn’t talk to anyone. I ended up in the emergency room because I couldn’t breathe normally. Life was just bitch slapping me and then, after months of banging my head against a wall and living just to survive I decided I can do better.

I quit my job and started a new one where I am somewhat in the proximity of my field of studies. I said no to the private university and decided to attend lectures in Digital marketing because this is something that gets me excited. How did this shift in my behavior happen? I started to be kind to myself.

I scrapped off that “FAILURE” label from my forehead and told myself that it took courage to drop out of school and start finding myself. It took strength to admit that I was lost and unhappy. It took fucking balls to take control of my life and start living it according to my rules. The shift first happened in my head and then it manifested in my life. All I had to do was give myself a pat on the back and tell myself that I am doing the best that I can and that it’s okay to take time off to find whatever it is that’s missing from my life. Changes aren’t painless. Changes aren’t easy but if during that change period you hate yourself and have negative self-talk you will only make things worse for yourself.

Do I know what the hell I am doing with my life? NO
Do I hate myself for that? Also NO

I still relapse into my old behavior patterns such as drinking, smoking and hating myself for not being the poster child for society norms but I also identify that behavior quickly and implement positive self-talk into my life. Don’t call yourself a failure and don’t put yourself down. You are so much more that what others think of you. Hell, you are so much more than what you think of yourself. Give yourself credit for how far you came. Recognize your mistakes and learn from them, don’t use them as fuel to the fire of your self-hate.

You need to reconnect with your inner world in order to start being kind to yourself.  You have to do this via a process that suits you best such as writing, meditating, exercising etc. That voice in your head that is trying to put you down will always be there, you just need to be louder than it.

Positivity Press #48

Do you know the impact they really have?
We get so busy with life and everyone uses words all day along, for their whole life.
Some spoken
Some written
Some typed
Some sang
Some screamed
Some drawn
Some painted
Some hung
Some framed
Words
Just words or more?
Think about it
A simple “good morning” has the ability to brighten someone’s whole day
A “thank you” might be the one thing that encourages someone to keep going , when they feel like they have failed
A “thinking of you” could be the message that breaks weeks of silence for someone
A “are you ok” might be the one thing that opens a line of communication that a friend desperately needs
A “I hope you are doing well” could be the only encouraging words someone hears that day
A “I’m here for you” could safe a life
A “remember when” could produce a memory and laughter that replaces someones tears
A “congratulations” might be the response someone needed during their unspoken battles
A “I’m so happy for you” might produce the courage someone was having difficulty finding in themselves
A “I appreciate you” could have just lifted the spirit of someone suffering in silence
A “I love you” that isn’t done out of routine, but truly in the moment is the kind of thing that makes our heart sing
A “hi or hello” could be the only personal interaction someone has had in the years since their spouse passed away
I could go on forever but I’ll just say.
Hi
Hello
How are you
I appreciate you
I hope you are having a great day
I’m happy for you
Im here for you
And congratulations on your accomplishments today!

xoxo
♥️ me
Thebrokeninsideofme

https://thebrokeninsideofme.com/

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Positivity Press #47

Does life have a second chance ? Well yes I have another chance . I was home one day when I realized that God has given me another chance to get things right . sometimes we feel like giving up , we feel like quitting , we feel down because of our past but I’m here to tell you that your past is  gone and you have another chance to get things right .

I used to shy of my past but when I surrendered it all to God I became free and now I can share my story without any form of guilt . don’t let your past hold you from becoming the best you.  I am working on me constantly and I thank God for everything that I have been through , it is all in his plan for my life.
Here is me , I was at a poetry show where I performed a piece by me titled “grateful “

Instagram link : Instagram.com/d_analyzt

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Positivity Press #43 – Gratitude

 I’m so grateful to have supportive people around me. I don’t think we appreciate truly decent human beings until we don’t have any in our lives. I’ve only had two people in my life who were unconditionally loving and caring. A friend of mine pointed out that most of us think we love unconditionally, but we don’t. There always seems to be some little part – conscious or subconscious – that has reservations. So when we find someone who cares enough to step in (or out) when we need them – someone who’ll kindly tell us what we need to hear instead of what we want to hear so we can pull ourselves out of our own craziness, we’d better value that person. They are a rare human being.

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Quote

I decided to end today with this quote. I really needed to read this today and maybe some of you needed this quote as well so I decided to share it. Lately, I have really had difficulties with controlling my reactions to… everything. I have just been so quick to snap. Anyways, I am tired. I am going to bed because I have to do this life thing all over again tomorrow but I hope with better control of my emotions.

Make sure to send in your submissions for The Poetry Bar, Positivity Press and #savingme. Also, this week we will be having a really exciting announcement about one of our Poetry Bar participants. Can’t wait to share it with all of you!

Goodnight!

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna