One of the motivational quotes all of us have heard is “Believe in yourself”. I completely believe in that concept and I think everyone should believe in themselves and have faith that they can do whatever they want and believe they are enough.
Today, less and less people believe in themselves and have low self-esteem. There are many factors to blame for this, for example maybe someone has insulted you or bullied you or you went through a traumatic experience. Also, there is our perspective of ourselves. We often compare our life, success and looks to other’s and this makes us believe we are not good enough or that we lack something which consequently leads us to stop believing in ourselves.
There is also one more thing about which I want to write about today that stops us from believing in ourselves. We don’t believe ourselves. I know its similar and I know some of you are like “what is she talking about” but let me break it down for you with examples. All of us have at least 4 times in our lives committed to exercising and being fit and the majority of us gave up on that idea every time. Another example for my students out there – every year you promise yourself you will catch up with work on time and won’t leave your studying and essays for the last minute and you do it anyways.
These are not just words. These are promises we keep on breaking. We do not stick to the word we give ourselves and this is building a negative mindset. If you don’t believe what you promise to yourself, how on earth are you supposed to believe in yourself? This is a question most of us overlook and it leads us to run in circles of getting an idea, trying, giving up, feeling like a failure and then again getting an idea… You get the point. The only way to break this is to keep the promises we make to ourselves.
When you constantly give up and break your word, it actually gets easier for you to make a new promise. You say to yourself that you will get up in the morning, have a healthy breakfast and go for a quick run and you actually do it. You feel great but what’s the problem? With time your comfort zone starts to manipulate your brain because you’ve allowed it to do so on so many different occasions. Your brain did not perceive that promise as something solid because you’ve broken it on so many occasions. In the end you find yourself right back with your old habits which make you comfortable but do not fulfill you. You have made your word insignificant and meaningless to your brain. It’s time to change that. You need to be able to believe what you say to yourself every single day!
I have a few steps which could help you stay committed to your goal and to keep your promise to yourself. So firstly, you will write your promise down on a piece of paper and keep it in a place where you can always reach it whether it’s your wallet, phone case or something else. Read the promise loud to yourself a few times.
After completing the first step, it’s time for the second. Make a plan that you will be able to stick to. And I put the emphasize on the last part. Don’t put too much on your shoulders because the weight will drive you to the ground and you will give up again. For example, if you have a busy schedule and want to work out don’t tell yourself you’ll do it every day. Do it every other day, or promise yourself that you won’t let more than two days pass between workouts. You will stick to your plan and it will bring up all of these positive emotions and you will feel accomplished. With time you will expand your plan, make more time to fulfill your promise because it will make you feel great.
The third step is to withdraw yourself for situations which will make you break your promise. Let’s say you have committed to eating less junk food and sugar. Acknowledge the situations in which you feel like eating junk food, for example while you’re watching movies, going out with friends or feeling sad. Just stop watching movies for a while, until you develop your healthy habit. Don’t stop going out with your friends, but when you do opt for better food, one that you know does not contain a lot of sugar and unhealthy fats. Just make sure you set an environment in which you will keep up with your promise. When your will becomes stronger you will spontaneously start doing things you did before without even thinking about bringing back your bad habit.
The fourth step is to write down your progress and all the benefits you have had because of it in order to be grateful for it. Gratefulness is such a beautiful thing which inspires a lot of positive emotions in us and it makes us send out a positive vibe to the universe.
When you keep up your word you will start believing yourself and you will start believing in yourself. These two processes are a dichotomy and they can’t exist one without the other. The promises you give yourself are every bit as important as the promises you give to others. The most important meeting you will ever have is a meeting with yourself and the most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Make sure it’s a healthy one! Keep up with your promises, keep up the good work and be grateful – it will lead to positive change and a happy life.
Don’t be a sore loser in the battle with yourself because that battle is the most important one you will ever lead. Throughout life we lose a lot – family members, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends etc., and every time we lose someone our personality gets divided into two parts.
There is the weak part of us that is grieving and then there is the pretend strong part of us trying to fix the situation as soon as possible and that pretend strong part of us is a sore loser. I’m not the one to put in a good word for people being weak but in situations like this one must let the weakness live in him and control it.
We need to learn how to heal ourselves on our own. For example, the most common loss we experience are breakups. We lose a boyfriend or a girlfriend and, without being aware of it, we lose a part of ourselves with them. Every relationship we are in makes a part of us and the person we are with becomes one part of us. We give them something, we can never get back and once that person leaves that part of us leaves with them and what do we do then? We find another person to fill that void, to be the missing puzzle and that is a sign of us being sore losers.
Jumping from one person to another will only break more parts from you and you won’t only have a few voids, you will be a great emptiness. You will let people come and go , taking parts from you until you end up with nothing.
Facing loss is hard but losing yourself is harder on a longer term.
When you lose someone, you need to admit to yourself that you lost. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you lost and then cry, scream, run, sleep, do anything that will help you accept that fact. Don’t let your weakness and grieve overwhelm you, but let it be there. Letting go and suffering is sometimes the best way to heal yourself and to become stronger. Each day you will get better and that void you feel will start filling itself with memories of the person you lost and you will learn to cherish that loss and all of those nice memories without holding a grudge. You are able to become your own doctor and to patch yourself up.
Don’t use other people to fill your emptiness because they are not building material you can use when you think you need to. Other people have feelings too. Instead of jumping from one relationship to another, from one friendship to another, looking for a person that will love you, learn to love yourself and learn to be your own building material.
Sometimes loneliness is the best way to discover everything you really need. Just take some time off. Read good books, watch good movies, take care of you body, workout, spoil yourself and fall in love with yourself because love from others comes after self-love.