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I lied to you *kinda*

Hello everyone! 

It was a little lie. Yesterday I told you that I don’t have a video for you but I did. I was just extremely insecure about posting it. I tried to write what I said in this video but the post was constantly looking like an absolute mess because I was constantly jumping from one thing to the next, I couldn’t form a sentence well – it was awful. 

I decided to get over my fear and publish the video I made on Wednesday, a day after I published I am not doing okay again. This is literally me working through my issues on camera, talking about domestic abuse, dealing with trauma and emotions.  

I thought that publishing my first video ever was scary but this is the scariest thing I ever published because I feel very vulnerable. But maybe this is what I need. I need to be open, honest, vulnerable and stop thinking people will call me crazy or make fun of me. If I can’t speak to people directly about this, I will speak to a camera. 

So here’s the link, welcome to the inside of my head:  https://youtu.be/bvoENgpvaIE

I hope at least some of this made sense.  

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #361
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Step by Step

10 replies on “I lied to you *kinda*”

I had an abusive step dad and walked away from it years ago, found it was in my mechanics to self sabotage in part because I sought out seeking approval. Very complicated. I decided it was best to confront the actual problem by dealing with the people (family) involved and learned about them as people. Something is going on and those responsible turning a blind eye. Timing wise their health was deteriorating where many started passing away and there I was taking care of them. Then it was capped off when covid broke out and my actual step dad (who I ended up having to get a restraining order against) had a major stroke and I was stuck helping care for him because nursing homes wouldn’t allow anyone in. He had no one else but people who he treated like shit. In February just being near him having that old mindset creep back in was too much so I made the ultimatum that I never wanted near him again even if that involved disowning any family left; I won but was overwhelmed by feeling guilt for doing so.
I’m still shaking off those old residual feelings/mindsets that came back just be being around him briefly while trying to focus on repairing damage caused by his last stint of behaviors..

Felt being specific would at least let you know you’re definitely not alone in what’s going on.
I’m fine, I just need a break from work to have a sense of normalcy for a while. (lol)

All the best.

‘Waiting for the other shoe to drop’ – what a lovely phrase. It looks like a dance in slow motion to me, Luna. It resonated when you said you wondered if it all just came to this, after all the work. I know that feeling, it’s not helped by the solitude and the shit either. One step leads to the next and I’m often pleasantly surprised to find that the place where I’m at is the place where I’m at. And that the dance continues with many delightful twists and turns and in ways that we’d never expect. Keep on keeping on x

I sat through your video and felt that you did a good thing to unload yourself. It always helps if someone is watching your emotions. I go through a lot of trouble everyday. What keeps me alive is my urge to do something creative at rapid intervals. My mind is occupied with something pretty, something serene. It helps to create, even if no one notices you.

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