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My life

All that sugar

Hello guys!

Here we are on another Friday that used to be a joyous occasion pre-2020. How are you doing?

I’ve had many small, little addictions through my life, whether it be a TV show or smoking. Well, that’s an extreme range to pick from – a show and an addiction that can cause lung cancer.

You know how I deal with my issues and pass the time – I go and have little projects like learning how to cook, do makeup, starting a Youtube channel. I sound like a person that has a lot of free time and trust me that is not the case.

One little project I wanted to start in order to better myself is….. Drum roll please….Kicking my sugar addiction. I talked a little bit about my toxic relationship with food in Recovery and Coffee

I was able to just stop smoking, one day I said enough is enough. I stopped smoking when I was 23 after 7 years. And yes that does mean that I started smoking when I was 16. I am not here to be role model as you can see.

Considering how decisive I was when it came to kicking my smoking addiction, I am amazed at how difficult it is to stop eating sugar. I am referring mostly to chocolate, candy, junk food of that sort. Since I was a little girl, I was addicted to sugar and can you blame me and other kids like me. It’s literally everywhere and people do not talk enough about the addiction it can become for some people. Us, sugar addicts, deserve our own rehab facility.

I understand that it is not a very popular subject because a lot of companies and people stand to lose a lot if sugar consumption becomes heavily regulated, but still…

I have never struggled with self-control as much as now. I have been experimenting this week to see how long will I last being sugar-free. I failed. Several times. And it’s really easy to fail, I mean have you ever been in a store? There’s just chocolate everywhere.

Some people think that this isn’t such a big issue and that we should just “not buy it, don’t eat it” but it a big issue because it still is a type of an addiction and the drug is very much accessible and cheap most of the time.

It’s just annoying and I do not like the feeling of not being in control of myself. Do you have any advice on this? Have you or someone you know been through this and have some tips and tricks to share?

Let me know down in the comments!

I know I said that I was going to upload Youtube videos on Fridays but that schedule did not workout so well for me but I think I will have a video up for you this weekend. Until then make sure to checkout my latest video if you feel like listening to me ranting and check out the other videos on my channel.

Thank you so much, talk to you soon!

Latest Poem: Poem #362
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Justifying Rape Culture Make You an Accomplice
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: The Weather is Pregnant

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My life

The weather is pregnant

Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuys!

The sun was not out today so this shouldn’t be counted as a day so I don’t know why I had to get up and work today.

It has been raining since yesterday, it’s sweater weather and I deserved sleep, cuddles, my blankie and Netflix.

You know that meme of Tom from “Tom&Jerry” where he has toothpicks holding his eyes opened?
That was me today trying to read e-mails.

The only thing I forced myself to do today is go to the library because I am late with returning a book and I also wanted another book to have something to read before bedtime so I went and did it and now I am just on my couch 100% sure I am not doing anything else.

And also this weather needs to make its goddamn mind. It is sunny one week, we are wearing winter jackets the next. It’s like a pregnant woman having different cravings every day. I want to tuck my winter clothes away and show everyone I did not workout enough for the summer and that I don’t say no to chocolate in my short shorts and tank tops. I deserve summer. This has been a difficult year for me (she said in April) and I deserve sun.

I am going to go and watch Youtube videos now and think about what am I going to make a new video about. I always do it last minute. Don’t forget to check out my last video tho:

Latest Poem: Poem #362
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Justifying Rape Culture Make You an Accomplice
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Am I really talking about this?

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My life

Come have a cup of coffee with me

Hello everyone! 

I hope you are having a lovely weekend! I know I’ve been off the grid but I am just trying to deal with everything and I decided to not abandon my blog and publishing schedule this time so my youtube video is here, just two days late. 

I will just give you some nature and have a cup of coffee with you and talk about random stuff and everything that’s been going on lately. Grab yourself a cup of coffee, tea, a beer or anything else and give me your opinions in the comments as always! 

The video is here for you: https://youtu.be/QY51s-arY9M

Make sure to subscribe and like and all of that. Thank you for being so full of love and support in my up-an-downs lately.  

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #362
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: I lied to you *kinda*

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My life

I lied to you *kinda*

Hello everyone! 

It was a little lie. Yesterday I told you that I don’t have a video for you but I did. I was just extremely insecure about posting it. I tried to write what I said in this video but the post was constantly looking like an absolute mess because I was constantly jumping from one thing to the next, I couldn’t form a sentence well – it was awful. 

I decided to get over my fear and publish the video I made on Wednesday, a day after I published I am not doing okay again. This is literally me working through my issues on camera, talking about domestic abuse, dealing with trauma and emotions.  

I thought that publishing my first video ever was scary but this is the scariest thing I ever published because I feel very vulnerable. But maybe this is what I need. I need to be open, honest, vulnerable and stop thinking people will call me crazy or make fun of me. If I can’t speak to people directly about this, I will speak to a camera. 

So here’s the link, welcome to the inside of my head:  https://youtu.be/bvoENgpvaIE

I hope at least some of this made sense.  

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #361
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Step by Step

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My life

I am not doing okay…again

I feel like my life updates on this blog are currently: I am okay / I am getting depressed. That’s it. I think I need therapy.

So yes, I have been consistently working on myself, eating better, working out, reading, meditating and then something just happened. But nothing actually happened. Like my body and mind are just fighting against the good decisions I am trying to make for myself. It’s like I am inviting chaos in my life and I cannot control it.

It all started on Sunday. I was just so damn emotional and sad and lonely. I got up on Monday at 6 as I do to do my workout before my job starts and I barely made it through. I felt itchy the whole day. I couldn’t sit still but I also didn’t want to move. But there was this uncomfortable energy inside of me.

And then I broke my clean eating and all of my good habits by binge eating. That was the alarm. That’s when I was like: January is about to repeat itself. Shit.

I barely made it out of bed this morning. I stayed in bed longer which is usually a sign for me that I am either ill or just not doing well. I was fighting with my craving for nicotine. I drank my coffee and the only think I could think about were cigarettes. I felt so bad. I had to have an internal talk with myself about how far I came without cigarettes and that it’s an unhealthy habit that is not easy to break and that I shouldn’t go back.

And then I sat down and decided to write because pretending I am fine and pretending like this is just a small issue is not going to work for me anymore. Putting stuff in writing means that I admit they are real. That’s why I write about my feelings and insecurities and problems and everything. Otherwise, I don’t consider it real and do not deal with it.

So yes, it’s important for me to let the world know that I am in a grey area. I am doing my best to not go to the dark area of my mind and to spiral again as I did at the beginning of the year. Getting better is a journey and I have to be honest with myself about the good and bad times of it.

All advice, book recommendations and other forms of help are welcome. This is a step forward, I am saying that I need help but I am also well aware that I need to first know how to and do everything to help myself.

I am sorry if you find my posts about being depressed or cooking boring but that’s what my life is currently and that’s okay.

This is also a reminder for you to check in on yourself and check in on your friends and family because someone might seem very happy and okay but they are going through hell in their head.

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Latest Poem: Poem #360
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Productive Sunday

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My life

Productive Sunday

Hello everyone!

I hope you are all doing well. I am having a very productive Sunday morning. I have all of this built up energy that I have to direct towards something. If the weather was better, I would start running. Running is not an option for me when it’s cold because I have issues with my sinuses.

I mean who wouldn’t have a lot of energy after having this delicious breakfast.

Sunday Breakfast - eggs, ham, rice cake, tomatoes, avocado, pineapple, coffee

Guys, don’t skip breakfast. Sunday is my rest day when it comes to working out so I always have this huge breakfast in the morning. Today I had scrambled eggs (I do one egg + one egg white), half of a very small avocado, a bit of ham, tomatoes, rice cake, pineapple and coffee ofc.

I am actually getting busy now with filming a new video for next week and then I got to think of what to do for the rest of the day because I am feeling very…. restless

Hope you have a lovely Sunday!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Latest Poem: Poem #358
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Food obsession

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My life

Food obsession

Hello everyone and happy weekend!

When something turns into an obsession for me, I have to share it with you. It’s a food obsession now.

So, you know I got into cooking, I am also trying to eat healthier and all of that good stuff and there is a reason why I get tired of cooking and healthy food very fast and it’s the fact that I am one of those people who do not eat various types of meat.

Since I was a little kid, I only ate chicken and turkey breasts and ham as a, lets say, source of protein in my life. I also like fish but with all those small bones in it, I get tired of eating it very fast and I do like seafood. The problem now is, that seafood and fish has a very strong smell when you cook it and I am currently living in an apartment as big as a shoebox and making those types of foods would literally leave my apartment smelling like fish for 2 days. It’s a whole fucking situation. I made prawns the other day, it took me the whole day to air out the apartment of the smell.

I am definitely going to go to the store and buy some other meat like beef or pork or something and try to force myself to eat it but while I was researching what are good protein sources and meat alternatives other than tofu, soy and so on I stumbled upon the Greek cheese Halloumi. I don’t know why this cheese has not entered my life before. I am obsessed. It is so yummy. If you have not tried it, you need to try it. Greek food never fails to impress me, to be honest. The only down side to this cheese is that it’s high in calorie so I cannot eat a lot of it if I plan on getting read of my few extra pounds.

But yes, a little bit of Halloumi never hurt nobody.

If you have some good protein sources to recommend to me, let me know. I love trying new things but beef and pork scare me because I hated them as a kid. Maybe I will learn to enjoy it now that I am older and I will update you on that.

I think I am going to go back to my coffee now and wasting my time on the internet.

Guys, don’t forget to check out my latest video on YT:

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Latest Poem: Poem #358
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Ready to go nowhere

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My life

Everything went wrong

Good Morning!

So guys, do you know those days when nothing goes right? I had that day yesterday. Everything was falling out of my hands, whatever I started to work on went wrong, I barely made it through my workout, a task it usually takes me about 45 minutes to do for my job took me 2 hours because I kept on getting errors and had to start over.

Nothing went my fucking way and that’s not a good thing to experience on a Monday. But today is a new day.

And I also finally got in touch with my doctor! That was the only positive thing that happened yesterday. I told you about the fiasco of my Saturday at the doctors office and told you about my issue with my hand in my latest video: https://youtu.be/4hGtC2I79L0

Now that you are up to date with my health issue, let me tell you that the cream that the doctor gave me made things worse. Everything got even more red and hurt like hell. Yesterday my doctor prescribed me another medicine and I can already feel my skin feeling better and it doesn’t hurt as much so I am guessing that it will go away now. In case it doesn’t, I will have to go to my doctors office and probably to a dermatologist but let’s hope that does not happen!

I am going to try and have a better Tuesday than Monday. Let me know what you’ve been up to lately and how is your beginning of the week going!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Latest Poem: Poem #358
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Saturday in a doctors office

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My life

Saturday in a doctor’s office

Hello everyone!

I had an awful Saturday! I decided to go to a doctor because of my hand (I mentioned I have some problems in my latest video: https://youtu.be/4hGtC2I79L0 ) and this was not my doctor. So I am not in my hometown, so I went to let’s call it an “on-duty” doctors office. They usually work on the weekends and holidays and you can go there even if it’s not your personal doctor.

So I read online that the working hours are from 8 in the morning to 8 in the evening. You can guess my surprise when I came there and saw that on Saturday they work from 3 PM. Why update your information online? Usually when I need the working hours of a place I go there and check what it says on the doors, rather than checking online. Don’t we all?

So I was there around 1PM and I used that time to go and buy some groceries I needed and I went back to my place, left my stuff there and then went back to the doctors office. I came there at three and waited in front with two more people. This lasted for almost an hour and a half. The office was closed and locked, you could only enter if you were invited by the doctor or the nurse after they’ve checked your temperature and that for me is completely understandable. It was not cold outside so it wasn’t some big deal standing there and waiting. Safety above all – let’s use the warmer weather to avoid being in closed spaces now, especially in doctors waiting rooms.

Finally it was my turn. I got up the stairs and there, in front of everyone this doctor asked me what was wrong. I just showed him my hand and I thought he will be checking my temperature and that he will let me in. He then proceeded to ask me if I burned myself somewhere and I said no. He then asked me “Well what happened?”. I was kind of angry and embarrassed about the fact that I had to talk to him, outside in the open where there were two more people about my health issues. I understand we are all trying to be safe but diagnosing someone on the stairs of a doctors office with other people present is shitty and lack privacy. I had my mask, I was following the guidelines and I expected to be treated as a normal patient and not as if I came to have a cup of coffee with the doctor. I don’t know if I am being dramatic but it’s my opinion. I had to explain to him that it hurt and all of that. He didn’t even look at it well and he told me he would be right back.

I never got a diagnosis, he never told me if my tissue was inflamed or anything. He just gave me my, let’s call it health ID, and told me that I need to go to a drug store to pickup my medicine.

I went there, hoping I got an antibiotic because on several occasions I was told that this is inflamed and that I need an antibiotic – by my sister who is a nurse, by two pharmacists when I came to ask for help. He gave me a cream because obviously he thinks I have an infection of some sort. I am putting it on, but I will also get in touch with my personal doctor because I trust her and this doctor was so unprofessional that I just don’t trust him or his diagnosis. Am I being dramatic?

I don’t know.

My whole afternoon was spent on walking around and chasing that doctor. I came back home, did my workout, ate, showered and spent the evening in bed watching a show. I was just dead by the end of the day and frustrated.

Yes, that is it from me guys. I am going to try and have a better day then before.

Don’t forget to check out my last video and let me know down in the comments how is your weekend going.

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Latest Poem: Poem #357
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Being Girly and Broke

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My life

Another earthquake? Really 2020? Really?!

I was woken up around 6:30 this morning by another earthquake. If you have been following me for a longer time you know that besides COVID, Croatia has had an awful earthquake that left people homeless, we had a flood and this morning we had another earthquake. If this is a trailer for 2021, I am not buying a ticket for that movie.  

The epicenter was not near my city but it happened at the same time the first earthquake did and my bed started to shake around the room, I heard the furniture shaking, the cracking sound. It was the same as the first time just less intense shaking. I know a lot of people had PTSD after the first earthquake this year and I hope they are okay because this was a strong trigger for everyone. According to the news there were no victims but there are damages.  

There was another minor earthquake about two hours later and this one was scarier for me because I was completely awake and I just felt the couch shaking. Also living on the second floor of an older building during an earthquake does not make shit easier.  

I know that entering 2021 will not change anything or erase this past year but I am looking forward to exiting this year. I am going to make lunch now for me and my mom and I am going to make pasta because pasta is comfort food and makes me feel happier.  

I hope you had a better morning and that you will have a great week. I love you all and alsooooooo this week we will have a new Youtube video! 

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #347
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back