Learning curve

How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

I don’t know how often I do it, but it definitely isn’t often enough. When it comes to saying “no” to people, especially people close to me, I struggle because the way my mind likes to keep itself occupied is by overthinking.

If I say no to someone, I will spend hours rationalizing that decision, observing it from every single perspective, thinking of every single possible scenario and usually I end up feeling like shit because I convince myself I hurt that other person or wasn’t there for them. The only way for me to skip over this exhausting spiral is by simply doing what I am asked to do. Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it ends up with me hating myself because I said yes to something I did not want and which messed up my day and my relationship with that person.

I wish I could be more like those people who simply make a decision, say no and go on about their day without giving their “no” a second thought. I don’t know if that’s some type of a muscle you can exercise to make stronger or if it depends on your upbringing and general attitude towards life.

I am learning how to manage these situations better through open communication, which doesn’t always work well for me. I am a person that has a bit of a short fuse so often, even when I disagree with something or I am in the middle of an argument, I will back off and shut up so that I don’t go off on the other person. This results with me being able to calmly state my argument in a few days when I’ve cooled off, but it also has negative side effect because in the moment I might agree to anything just to stop the argument, the other person thinks they are right because of the lack of pushback on my side or, when I do speak out, I get hit with “why can’t you let things go” and “we talked about this”. Welp, let’s talk about it again!

Life is a learning curve. Everyone has a different communication style and personality and it’s difficult to manage it all, but I do think I am getting better at standing my ground and managing my short fuse (gotta love my father’s genetics).

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You can get your copy of my first novel on Amazon: Little Rebellion
Poetry Books: Identity Crisis, Rehab