After weeks of struggling with my stomach, I finally got a diagnosis last week and started treatment. In defence of the failing health system in my country, it wasn’t their fault I couldn’t get diagnosed sooner. I was on pills that influence the test results so they had to wait for two weeks for me to “detox” and then we did the blood test, found out what’s been tearing through my body for weeks and they gave me medication.
I am currently on two antibiotics and I have an appointment with a specialist to see if he/she thinks I need to do any more exams (hopefully not). This whole thing has been a giant domino effect. My stomach started to hurt and then everything went to hell and the antibiotics have some side effects. The first time I took them, I ended up sitting in the bathroom waiting to vomit because I got so sick. Luckily, it didn’t happen but the nausea was horrible. I adapted now so it doesn’t happen anymore. All of this made me very weak and I think I have a magnesium deficiency because I have most of the symptoms, especially muscle cramping and twitching.
I got up at 4:30 this morning for no special reason and I couldn’t fall asleep so I ended up watching a show until I had to get up and get ready for work. It was a full moon which is funny because I am rewatching a show from my teenage years that is called Teen Wolf and deals with werewolves.
I am, to my surprise, not tired despite the lack of sleep but I hate this feeling of weakness and absolute lack of motivation to do fucking anything! I feel like I’ve just lost weeks doing absolutely nothing which resulted in some writer’s guilt because I spent all my free time lying down when I could have been working on the sequel to Little Rebellion.
I am doing my best to have some mercy on myself and explain to my brain that I have the right to and need to rest. I had to stop working out and going to belly dancing so my first step in recovery is getting active. I am starting with pilates and working my way up back to my weights. I tried working out one day, before the meds came, and I couldn’t last more than 10 minutes. The second I tried using weights, my body was like “nope, I ain’t doing that”. It has also been really difficult to start eating normally again because I was on this weird diet for weeks, I literally had to eat boiled chicken because I couldn’t fry anything and wasn’t supposed to eat a lot of oil or products that have a high fat content.
I am looking forward to coming back to any type of routine and I long for the days when I didn’t have to think and rethink everything I put in my mouth. As a person that has a certain fear of needles, I am hoping that the specialist on Wednesday is not going to ask for more blood work because I can’t have another needle stuck in my hand. Last week they couldn’t find my vein, they are hiding from the pain.
Well, this was just a big rant but I felt like writing something today. So here I am, complaining, but that is okay because it’s Monday and everyone complains on Mondays.
Love,
Luna
You can get your copy of my first novel on Amazon: Little Rebellion
Poetry Books: Identity Crisis, Rehab
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I hope you’ll get better soon and that you are able to get back to what you love to do. 💟. In the meantime give yourself a little more grace.
Ps. Loved Teen wolf
I get slot of needles. Sorry to hear you are going through this. If my veins are hiding I make sure I drink loads of water a couple of hours before seeing the doctor. When I go I put a jacket on or a longish sweater so my veins stay warm. Know not everyone gets success with their veins but hope it helps
Hope you feel better soon…; -)
Sorry to hear about this. I suffer with similar internal issues, so can understand. I hope they get it sorted out soon so you can return to some sort of normality. 🙂