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The Poetry Bar

Coffee Date: Equality in parenthood

Guys, I don’t know if this is one of our lovely Coffee Dates or me just having the need to vent about a thing I got randomly triggered by even though it does not really concern me. Let’s begin, shall we?

I was bored and did something I only do when I am bored and that’s scrolling through Facebook. I don’t know why facebook is still a thing but anyways…. An article about a woman who ended up in jail because she didn’t pay alimony was there and I had to be stupid enough to go and read the comments. I don’t know why I do this to myself.

I am going to focus on one thing here, one type of comment under this post. So, if we are mentioning alimony you already know that parents are divorced and the kids went to one of the parents – in this case the father.

The comment that just triggered me (and I will try to translate it the best that I can from Croatian) was: “You know how good of a mother she was if the court gave the kids to the father”. There were several comments of this nature under the post. What the fuck is wrong with our society? We have all of this fucking technology, we came to so many new discoveries, built so much but yet we cannot grow out of this patriarchal view of families and family roles.

Let’s just be clear on one thing – in many countries around the world, when parents get divorced the court and social services are more inclined towards giving the kids to the mother. And that bothers me. So when a mom doesn’t get the kids in the divorce then we question what type of a mother that is but when the father does not get the kids, that’s normal. We set the bar for fatherhood that low we don’t even bother to discuss the biased opinions the judiciary system has about family and parenthood; we do not even consider that both parents should have an equal opportunity to get custody of their kids. And that FUCKING BOTHERS ME!

For people who came to my blog for the first time, just know that this is coming from someone who grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father and still I can be objective enough to expect for fathers to be as good as the “mother” stereotype we uphold.

Parenthood should be equality. Both a mother and a father should be able to raise their kid, put clothes on them, cook a meal for them, study with them, put a roof over their head and they both should be held responsible for their child’s well-being. PERIOD! If one parent does not know how to take care of a child in the absence of the other parent, then that person should not have kids. I am sorry to anyone offended by this, but it’s the truth. A child is a responsibility and if you are not ready for it then don’t have a kid. If you expect your spouse to take care of the baby, then you are not ready for the baby.

I don’t like how we applaud fathers for things that should be expected from them like changing the diapers, for example. When a mom does it, it’s just a random thing but when we see a father who is changing diapers, feeding the kid, waking up in the middle of the night when the baby is crying etc., then we often have the need to tell the wife/mom how lucky she is for having such a good husband. Do you see how messed up that is? I know this is not the rule in general but we see this type of behavior often and it got us to the point where we are fine with the system discriminating against fathers when it comes to giving custody over the kids during a divorce.

If we are going to keep the bar this low for fathers and just expect moms to take care of the kid then we do not have a family with a mother and a father – we have a mother and a sperm donor.

I could make a whole separate post about moms just enabling the fathers to feel comfortable with sitting on that low bar society set for them. Also, I could make a whole post to talk about how this toxic mindset has badly influenced parents and kids living in domestic abuse. I am going to speak from my own experience – on more than one occasion the police and the judges and people in general overlooked all of the circumstances in which my family lived, overlooked how many times we had to call the cops, asked for help around my dad and took him to rehabs because of his alcohol addiction because all that could come out of their mouths was “What type of mother keeps her kids in such danger”. It’s always easier to judge than discuss the system that does not protect people in need, in poverty, victims of abuse etc. But that’s a topic for another day.

I am not a mom and maybe this is not a topic I should discuss, but this is my opinion and I am sticking by it. Feel free to let me know what you think about this in the comments down below!

This is off-topic, I would just like to thank you for being around and for showing me a lot of love on my last Coffee Date where I opened up about my struggle with my mental health in the last few weeks. Knowing I still have a safe space here is amazing and makes me feel good. I am currently in the process of getting myself out of this mess and getting better. I hope I will be able to make more posts for you soon and film some YouTube videos (already brainstorming some ideas) because straying away from writing and content creating always puts me in a bad state. Thank you all again, you are amazing, all 6.900+ of you <3

Let me know if there’s a topic you would like to discuss in out next Coffee Date and let me know if you have some video ideas for me – all suggestions are welcome!

Sending love and positive vibes!

Luna

Latest Poem: Poem #349
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: The art of getting comfortable
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

Categories
Coffee Date

Coffee Date: The art of getting comfortable

This is not easy to write, not just because it’s hard for me to discuss but because it has been so long since I’ve written anything that I don’t know how to do it well. Let’s just let the stream of thoughts flow.

After the last earthquake in Croatia, I took some time off. It was right before New Years and I just wanted to have some time for myself and away from my job and blog and everything. Just me. It turned into a disaster.

My mind does not like to be left without a hobby because then I spiral into negativity and episodes of sadness, fear, anxiety and all things that make me want to lock the door and never leave the room. Working from home certainly made this easy for me – too easy.

The first red flag that I was not doing well came with a sudden craving for smoking. I broke the habit over a year ago and was not planning on sinking into my nicotine addiction no matter how bad the cravings got. Smoking was an addiction but it was also a way for me to push down negative feelings. Something in my cup, music in the background and a cloud of smoke around me.

Instead of screaming that I am not doing well and seeking help, I started to close up. I got new addictions that helped me push the feelings down even for a short while – beer and binge eating. A few pounds are already visible, but I pretend they are not there.

“Why are you this unhappy?”, I asked myself one day. In an attempt to try and make myself feel better I started thinking about everything I had – a family, a good relationship, a good job etc., and the more I listed everything I got, the more I felt ungrateful and started telling myself that my own negative feelings were invalid and that I need to be happy because I do not have a lot to be unhappy about.

In the past, these feelings meant that there was something wrong in terms of me not seeking out to find what inspires me, to strive for more. These feelings were there to yell at me that I’ve gotten too comfortable and that I need to start moving forward. They would force me to move forward before they ate me up alive. I completely disregarded this now. I knew this when I was 15 and full of life but the 24 and tired version of me wanted to turn a blind eye and become even more comfortable.

And so January flew by with me waking up, working, eating, watching Netflix and being socially anxious about going outside while telling myself I am not socially anxious and that it was just the time we live in when people don’t want to be around other people. A month of getting extremely comfortable with all those negative feelings still floating around. A month of telling myself I do not deserve to feel bad because I have what I need to survive. Not live. Survive.

My quarantine-born Netflix addiction would lead me to different shows and whenever there was a scene that was sad or tears-of-joy happy, I would have to try really hard not to cry. It was not the scenes, it was something inside of me that had to be cried out but I did not let it. I would get in bed after a long, hot shower – the same bed I spent the whole day working and watching Netflix in – and I would pray for sleep to come before my brain had time to overthink this mess I was making of myself.

I stopped writing because the 24 and tired version of me knew that writing would get the demons out and it would make me move, kick me right out of this comfort zone.

And so February came. I looked at what I had done to my blog, looked at all of the filming equipment I got for youtube because I was excited to make videos and I just kept on getting comfortable. I will get to it eventually. I will get around my dreams and goals right after this “me time” that has done nothing but made me unhealthy, mentally unstable, overly emotional and a complete mess overall. Isn’t “me time” supposed to make you feel better?

So here I am, doing what I’ve done countless times before. Writing all of this out in hopes it will provide some much-needed clarity, peace and healing. Am I scared that I went in too deep into the comfort that it will take me months to recover and get back to myself? Yes.

But I have to force myself to not get scared by that feeling. I have to force myself to face it, conquer it and remind myself of who I am, what I came here to do and convince myself that I am not this tired, comfortable and unhappy person I tried so hard to be. There’s more, there will always be more and I have the right to go after it, whatever it takes.

Latest Poem: Poem #348
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

Categories
My life

Today kind of sucks

I got my period.
My boyfriend is self-isolating.
I miss my mommy.
I ruined my lunch and now I feel sick.
Today is not Friday.
Has this been too much info for you? I have no shame, my online friends are my only friends now.

How is your day going? 

So, my definition of this day is shit happens. And also, pesto is just….not my cup of anything. I don’t know why I thought that would be the food for me and I ruined a perfectly good plate of pasta. Since its 1 PM here and the day for me has been cancelled, I decided to order food because I just can’t. There are just days when the world should give you a break and let you be in bed, watch movies and get paid to do it. Am I right?! 

So, I am a mess today and very negative but that’s okay. Shit happens. I don’t know where this post is going, just wanted to air out my frustrations to someone. This pesto is messing with my stomach and I didn’t even eat it properly because I spit it out and everything around me now smells like basil.  

I can’t. Done. Gone. Pray for my stomach and may the delivery man come as soon as possible with my food because the last thing my angry ass needs now is to turn into a hangry ass.  

But I have to list at least one positive thing – my skincare products were delivered today morning. Order placed yesterday, products delivered today – this is the type of service I love and I love my Skintegra (the name of the brand) and they made my day. Even had a little Merry Christmas card in the box. I love them! 

When I am done with my shift I am going to take my long, daily walk, come home, watch some Netflix and hope the rest of my week is better and that all my deliveries come by Friday. Amen.  

Kids, don’t eat pesto.  

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

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Coffee Date

Coffee Date with Luna: Recognize Your Patterns

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

Ever since I dropped out of grad school, I have been experiencing a sort of a life crisis. Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it hits me like a wave and I am a terrible swimmer. One of the things I have learned in this time is that the only way to grow and get the fuck out of this is to review my past actions, what decisions led up to this and how to take accountability for my actions and make better choices in the future. Trust me, I do not have this figured out yet, but baby steps are still steps forward.

One of the decisions I had to review is the type of people I let into my life, especially when it came to romantic relationships. Using the word romantic linked to the toxic relationships I actually had is very amusing to me. I had the attachments, the infatuations, the beliefs I found love and that love will conquer all and now I am here 24 years old and still do not know shit about love. But I do love to write about it.

When I look back and review my relationships, there are patterns I can recognize. I would either get into a relationship that would seem great but it would end abruptly because something was missing, I didn’t feel like the person I was with had any genuine feelings about me, like they didn’t care about me. The second pattern is rushing into relationships that I knew deep down would never work and then being crushed. As if I was looking for this amazing love that would survive the obstacles and thrive. And people, I thrived in one of those relationships that ended up with me crying and smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. It wasn’t just the relationship that was toxic. The consequences echoed in my life for years and when I look back, I cannot help but ask myself: Why do I hate myself so much?

I refuse to take all of the blame for my failed relationships, but I can recognize where I went wrong. I didn’t leave people because they didn’t love me the way I need to be loved, but because I didn’t love myself. I projected my problems and my insecurities on to them. I wanted them to give me the love and attention I never gave myself. I was looking for someone who would care about me because I didn’t care about myself.

I started relationships and became infatuated with men who were bad for me because I didn’t feel like I was worthy or love. I humiliated myself to the point where I accepted crumbs off someone’s table and called it love. This is getting very hard to write but it’s something I have to face in order to be better and do better for myself.

I decided to share with you my relationship issues because you have these patterns too and maybe they just came into your mind. Writing them down, acknowledging these patterns will not solve them but it’s a start of a very long and prosperous journey. You cannot solve your problems in one night, in one post, in facing the truth but you can solve them with consistent work and by being honest with yourself always.

It’s hard. It’s fucking hard. It took me 3 weeks to sit down and write this because it’s not easy to admit that I hurt myself with my past relationships just because I didn’t love myself enough to seek what I deserve, what we all deserve which is love and respect and happiness. Do I love myself now? No. It’s a process but I won’t speed it up by not doing anything about it so, as always, I am sharing my truth here. I hope my little encounter with honesty will help you in your journey.

This is all I can take for this post, it’s hard to write about this when I don’t have my feelings sorted out but I am working on it. This is one of those baby steps.

As always let me know in the comments below your thoughts, what would you want to read about next and let me know how are you doing?

I love you all!

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

 

Categories
Coffee Date

Coffee Date with Luna: Why?

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

Our theme of today is not a very nice one but it’s a necessary one. I understand that there are many important subjects we could discuss and write about here but I, as a survivor or domestic abuse and a person that knows damn well how the system works, have to speak about this.

Epstein. May he rot in hell for all eternity and may that abomination of a woman that’s in jail now join him after she spills the truth on everyone involved.  Disgusting. It is disgusting that the authorities knew about this while they were abusing and trafficking girls. We all know it’s all true. We all know those girls do not have a reason to lie and that they are just a drop in the ocean of millions of girls whose childhood and teenage years were taken away from them. Why aren’t we talking about the girls who were brainwashed, scared into submission, to the sisters that were IGNORED BY THE FBI WHEN THEY SPOKE UP YEARS BEFORE EPSTEIN HAD A RAPE ISLAND!!!!!

Disgusting. I could insult and rain shit on Epstein and Maxwell but let’s talk about the actual impact this has on women who are victims of any type of assault and abuse, not just sexual.

Why was Epstein able to do what he did?
Money

Why was he conveniently suicided when the eye of the public was on this case?
Power.

The two things that run the world and are well connected. This shit went to the top. Why is no one speaking about that carrot looking troll in the White house who is a known misogynist, who insulted women and said “you need to grab them by the pussy” – why is no one looking into his friendship with Epstein? Why is prince andrew still free? Why are we letting this happen in front of our eyes.

A victim has come forward and accused prince andrew and he is out while she is still fighting for justice.  Even if there’s a crown on your head or a title in front of your name, you will be held accountable. I think it’s just deplorable how the British press had more to say about Markle, how they harassed her while there’s an alleged pedophile in the “royal” family. We can also talk about how the “royal” family is not saying anything about this, but I do not have the whole day. All I will say that as long as the powerful protect the powerful, the rest of us are a long way from justice.

And this is what scares the shit out of me. This case went up to the top. Not only were judges, FBI and lawyers looking at this, the world was keeping up with this case. The world was looking at this and everyone involved is telling women all across the world that they need to shut up when they are assaulted because no one is doing shit about it.

We are literally looking at money buying a way out for pedophiles so why should women anywhere be encouraged to speak out not only on Epstein but on other men? I know what fear is and I know what it means to FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE in a system designed to fail the victims and this is not an exaggeration. Why don’t we understand that women speaking out on assault and looking for protection are actually trying to save their life? Why do we need a dead woman, bodies piling up to realize that the fight against abuse is a fight for life?

True story now. I was a minor when I testified against my father and I mean, I was a minor! I have memories of my childhood very suppressed but I was somewhere between 10-12 years old. A psychiatrist who worked with my father stated that he is a man capable of killing. A trained specialist in his field described my father as a potential murderer. The police ignored us for years, there was actually a plot to get my sister and me away from my mom and we fought through everything, we got our day in court. Do you know what happened when 10-12 years old me stepped out of the judge’s room where I testified? My father was sitting there. The system that finally said “We are here to protect you before he kills you” let my severely violent father know that his underaged child was giving a testimony which will help to put him in prison. The fear I felt that day in something that cannot be described in words. For years I lived in fear of him escaping and killing the three of us. And just for the record, he did escape a few times from the facility where they held him after he got out of jail.

So these aggressions against women in the Epstein case by the system happen on a daily basis as well and why should women feel encouraged to step out or believe they have the right to protection if we are looking at pedophiles and rapists walking around freely while there are evidence and allegations against them?

I know that his coffee date has been a lot of WHY? But I believe you got my message. I am just here being 24 years old and still fighting my traumas, looking at this case and asking myself

When is this going to stop?

When are women going to have rights in reality, not just paper?

When will humanity be more important than money?

When will there be justice?

How many more victims are there?

How many more will there be?

Categories
My life

Saturday talks

Hello everyone, hope you are having a great Saturday!

Since the last rant things have remained the same with this clogged ear of mine, I am still deaf but I am happy because yesterday I came home. I am finally in my apartment and in my room and I’ve missed it soooooo much.

And I’ve missed my mom’s cooking. I’ve had a bit too much food today and I always do this when I come home to my mom after a long period of time. I am a lousy cook and also I do not like to cook so coming home to her is a blessing when it comes to food.

I have been having some issues with my diet lately and I have been thinking about transitioning to a Mediterranean diet. It wouldn’t be so hard for me because it bases on fruits and veggies which I already eat an abundance off.

What else is neeeeew? Oh yeah, we are soon reaching 6k subscribes on this blog and I never thought this will happen. Like, we are closer to 10k than to 1k which we had a few months ago. I love how fast our little community is growing – not so little anymore to be honest!

This whole blog was a real step out of my comfort zone, especially since I made the vacation vlog and published it on Youtube. It’s the small things that count, you know. I am actually trying to come up with some video ideas when I already opened a Youtube channel.

I have been writing a new Coffee Date with Luna for the last week and a half. It’s just some of my thoughts about that disgusting piece of shit Epstein. As you can see, I hate him and I am sorry that he was killed before her could pay for what he has done and before he could open that filthy mouth on everyone else who was involved. Yes, this post escalated quickly and yes I do believe that he was killed. That wasn’t a suicide. Period.

The reason why it’s taking me so long to upload and finish that Coffee Date is because I have so much rage I have to censor and the post is right now 6 pages long and it’s too much. I am just all over the place when it comes to this topic.

As you can see, ranting too much in my posts is kind of my thing. The only thing short about me is my height and my poetry. I was actually thinking of posting shorter, concise posts here and maybe making videos on Patreon for those who want to listen to me talk.  BTW, if you would be interested in this, let me know in the comments.

And I also have to come up with Youtube video ideas. If you have suggestions, use the comment section to let me know. I am also working on a poem. I am being very productive when it comes to my content creating and it makes me happy.

I am going to stop talking now and hit the shower. It is uncomfortably hot in Croatia. The type of hot when you are just doing nothing and you can feel sweat running down your back. That type of uncomfortably hot.

I am really gone now.

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Categories
My life

I will go van Gogh on this ear

Hello everyone!

I am just having a quiet evening and decided to post a little bit something. A few days everything has been a bit more quiet for me because I have problems with my left ear. I barely hear anything and I almost overslept my alarm today because I can’t hear well.

I don’t know what’s happening with my ear because I am in Zagreb and my doctor is in Zabok and I went here in Zagreb to see a doctor on Sunday. In Croatia you have emergency rooms of course but you also have like doctor offices that are on duty. Major cities such as Zagreb also have dentists which work on the weekend and so on. I don’t know how to explain the Croatian health system well because I don’t own that vocabulary to be honest.

So I went there on Sunday explained that this ear thing was causing issues and it hurt. I also work as an agent in a call center, I can’t be half deaf. The nurse was getting on my nerves with explaining that I shouldn’t have come because this isn’t an emergency. I got a bit irritated and told her that I didn’t come to an emergency room but to a doctors office and I have the right to do so if I have a health issue. I understand that it’s advisable to avoid doctor offices now but I cannot examine my ear on my own and I am stuck in Zagreb until Sunday. So, I won’t be able to go to my personal doctor until Monday.

So she lets me in and the doctors checks out my ear and says that due to the symptoms there’s a really big chance that I have an inflamed ear but she couldn’t see because my ear was also severely clogged which is why I am half deaf. I don’t know if you ever had a clogged ear but you cannot solve this on your own. The doctor has to take like a big syringe and wash out your ear. People tend to sometimes try this on their own but you can mess up your ear, balance center… And then the truth came. It was a very big problem that I came there with a possible inflamed ear because they did not have the equipment to solve it. They didn’t have the syringe to wash out my ear and bring back my gift of hearing and that caused them to be unable to actually see is my ear inflammed. According to them, it was not an emergency for which they have equipment and according to me THAT’S WHY I CAME TO A DOCTOR’S OFFICE NOT AN EMERGENCY ROOM!

I am angry, half deaf, the ear situation is also causing issues with my throat and nose. It’s a mess. And it’s also uncomfortably hot in Croatia. Like I literally work from home and am sweating while sitting and typing. It’s awful.

Don’t you just love when I come and post a little bit and I go on a whole rant? Maybe I should start making videos where I just randomly talk now that I made a YT channel for the vacation vlog. I am really glad I got the courage to do something like that. It was a really big step out of my comfort zone.

To end this rant about my ear on a positive note, I found an amazing singer on YT. I don’t know how I’ve never heard of her before. I just wanted to share her with you. Last time I got this obsessed with someone, it was Lewis Capaldi. Check her out! She made a cover of my favorite song and below I will also link her original song.

This is it for me now guys. Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Last poem by Luna: Poem #333
Our First Travel Vlog: Vacation Vlog – Island of Krk, Croatia

 

Categories
My life

Rain, rain, go away

Hello everyone! 

You know when it’s such a beautiful sunny day, the summer is in the air. You put on a summer outfit, jacket not needed and head to work. And after killing yourself for 8 hours you look outside the window and realize that someone pissed off Zeus during the afternoon or that the nature is casually trying to wash COVID away with a storm.  

I came home so wet that I had to drain the water out of my shirt when I took it off. By the way that shirt was light blue, now it’s dark blue.

Also while I was taking my romantic after-work walk in the rain that shirt was so stuck to me that it felt like a second layer of skin.. I hate rain and I also hate carrying an umbrella around, I am not Rihanna. 

Anyways, I am going to enjoy my Noodles now, I deserved them. 

Have a lovely day/evening 
Sending love and positive vibes, 

Luna 

Categories
My life

Croatian Karen

Hello everyone and welcome to an episode of me being heated. 

I have spent the day stuck with my laptop working on editing my  vacation vlog and actually learning how to edit a vlog and I postponed going to the store. In the evening I decided to go to the store to pick up some stuff I need and to take a walk because I have been staring at the screen for hours.  

It became mandatory to wear a mask in stores and I always have them in my bag. So I grab the things I need and go the checkout counter. There were three people in front of me and a few behind me and only one checkout counter was working. This is a common thing in this particular store. They have about 5 checkout counters and mostly only one actually works.  

The guy working at the checkout counter is obviously new or is a student working part time. He had a woman complaining about something, wanting to speak about it to someone and she was nagging him while he was charging a man for his purchase and then the Croatian Karen behind me opened her entitled mouth.  

She asked the guy working there if he could call another employee to open a second checkout counter so that we wouldn’t have to wait in line and I agreed. In this situation, it’s not ideal for people to stand in line at the store. He had to call someone about the woman complaining about the product and when the Croatia Karen realized that the second employee wasn’t there to open a checkout counter but to attend to the other client she went off.  

“We want you to open another checkout counter. What is this, open another checkout counter!!!!” 

And then she addressed him in a very rude manner. Let’s say she said something like “Hello boy, can you hear me”. I wanted to punch her so badly. I just wanted to punch her. Everyone was standing in line, waiting calmly and she was there being entitled as fuck. Everyone feels uncomfortable wearing a mask and no one wants to stand in line but shit happens. No one forced you to come to that store. If it was uncomfortable for her to wear a mask she could’ve stopped and asked herself how uncomfortable did the workers feel having to wear them for 8 hours. It is a problem to have people standing in line waiting in a store but it’s also the workers who are there for 8 hours dealing with customers and are at a bigger risk of getting the virus than a person that comes, buys and exits.  

People, I wanted to punch her and it took control and a lot of inner self talk to prevent myself from telling her to shut up. Luckily, another coworker came and opened a checkout counter and I don’t think it’s necessary to mention that all of the customers moved so that she could go to the checkout first.  

Karen didn’t even exit the store properly, she was already taking off the mask. The only thing more Karen than this is Karens not wearing masks at all. 

Anyways, I bought myself some chocolate as well so I am happier now and not heated anymore. 

 Sending love and positive vibes 

Luna 

Categories
Coffee Date

Coffee Date with Luna: 20 something crisis

Hello Everyone! 

It has been a long time since I just posted on the blog, had a talk with you or in this case, a cup of coffee. There is a reason for that. I have been going through a bit of a crisis that I do not know how to explain to myself or to others. 

I have a good job which keeps me financially stable, recently I met someone very special in my life, since I started working from home I have had more time to spend with my family, I have great friends and the list could go on about the things that are really going for me right now and still I am so miserable. There is a constant feeling of something missing in my life and it’s eating me away.  

I know that my career choices have a lot to do with my unhappiness. My goal in life was not and is not to be a customer service agent. I do like this job and I absolutely adore the people I am working with but there is still that feeling that something is missing. I have been in this career crisis on and off for the past 2 years and it’s a normal thing every 20something goes through but I can feel my mental health going to hell fast because I cannot cope with not having a purpose in life. Being aware of the fact that my degree is worthless and that no one wants to hire me in digital marketing because I have no fucking experience is not making this easy on me.  

Yesterday was my one year anniversary of working as a customer service agent. I have been feeling like shit for the last two weeks because I knew that I was reaching that one year at a job that was supposed to be temporary until I get my Digital Marketing certificate so that I can do something I am 100% invested in. But again there is this fear – what if I get into a Digital marketing agency and realize after some time that it’s not what I actually want? What if I just got that certificate to cover up for the fact that I dropped out of grad school without a fucking plan? 

As you can see, I am struggling which is why I haven’t been so active on the blog. I have had problems opening up to people about this because they either do not understand completely what I am saying or hit me with “Do you know how many people lost their job during quarantine and how many people are being paid less because of the COVID situation and how lucky you are right now?”  

Yes, I do know. 

I haven’t been fired, my job was never in question and there were no paycheck cuts in my firm. The only difference for us was that we had to work from home. That is it. Not a single person in the customer care center where I work felt the effects of quarantine when it comes to job security and money and this is amazing and I applaud the company for that.  

I don’t know if I am able to put this nicely, but I do not know how to feel okay and satisfied with my life just because others have it worse. Other people being in bad situations shouldn’t be a standard for me to feel good about myself and about my life but I have often felt under attack if I expressed any of these opinions out loud which made the struggle in my head even worse because it is all in my head. 

And then I opened up my laptop today and decided to write this mess out because this is my safe place and I often stray away from it when I’m in trouble but I am glad to be back. Thank you for putting up with my annoying rant about unhappiness. I know that our Coffee Dates are usually reserved for happy thoughts but I just had to get this off my chest. 

Please do let me know if you experienced similar issues and how did you deal with them? Let’s be the supportive WordPress community that we are.  

Also, we already passed 5,5k followers here on WordPress, my Poetry Bar inbox is full of your submissions so let me know if there’s any type of different content you would like to see on this blog. I publish from 3-5 Poetry Bar works daily, do you want more? Would you like for me to write about the current events, maybe to do story times, do you have some questions for me so we can do a Q&A type post. Tell me all of your wishes down in the comments because, honestly, I need some content ideas and working on this blog has always helped me work through my personal issues.  

I love you all, thank you for being so amazing and so supportive! 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna