Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna, let’s start.
In many of my previous posts in which I discuss some struggles I’ve been having, I noticed that I often mention my age, the concept of getting older, adulthood etc. I honestly thought that this fear of getting older was something that the patriarchy installed in me as a woman but it was much more than that.
Just to put it out there, I am 24 and paranoid about it.
You want to know why?
Because the world is constantly trying to tell me that my life will start to end around the age of 25. Let me explain!
My surrounding is very traditional when it comes to those “steps” you have to take in life – grow up, school, job, marriage, kids, die. There is this norm that’s imposed on 20-something people when they start getting closer to 30 than they are to 20 and this norm makes the future look like a fucking cage. At least to me.
It’s like you can make decisions, navigate your life freely, pick a career, do what you love and then you become 25+ and that choice is gone. What was done was done, what you studied you studied, you better have a good job and a roof over your head because it’s time to “settle down”. EXCUSE ME?
NO.
For the love of actual God, stop expecting people to fit in with your standards and your rules of what their life should be. Tradition is a thing of the past. We live in a world that is constantly changing and expecting for a 20-something or even a 30 year old to just have her/his life figured out is insane.
I am going to speak from my own perspective. Had I not quit grad school, I would have graduated last year which means that I would be unemployed in the middle of a pandemic. Luckily, I quit, got a job, got a promotion and I am still trying to navigate working on a position that wasn’t really what I went to university for and I never thought I would end up on it. I am still figuring out who I actually want to be and what I want to do in life and this pressure that I need to have it all figured out is making me anxious.
Maybe in two years I decide to go back and graduate. Maybe I will have some sudden desire to start my own business. Maybe I decide to say goodbye to everyone and start backpacking through Europe. Why the fuck shouldn’t I have the option to change my life path completely?
I think that growing older is causing a lot of anxiety for me because I have no one to talk to about this. People around me seem to have a plan, have this all figured out and I often feel like this weirdo that is constantly unhappy, gets easily bored with everything, cannot sit down and make a plan for the future. One of the reasons why I do not like making plans is because it feels like I impose more limits than guidelines on myself when I start planning my future.
For me, not conforming to the norms is the only way to live because conforming would make me lose sight of the things I want and my dreams. It would also kill me in my twenties. I believe that many living in more “traditional” societies understand what I am saying and that we all just need for the world to back off and give us room to grow and create our own futures.
Let me know what you think and have you experienced similar things!
Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna
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It is well written, only the simplest things are the most beautiful. Thinking too much is the root of all problems
I’m 24 next month and I’m having my own troubles, quitting two jobs within a year, and this year starting my career in writing. I have pretty much no self-support aside from my writing
I wish you all the best in your career <3
I’m 55.still here. New to writing. My life has changed in many ways,different paths present themselves,some light,some dark. You decide we’re you want to go.as long as you wake up and see a daybreak life is good.it starts and ends without any assurance from us,all the rest,it is what it is .
Luna you are at the age of blooming 🌸 Stay positive ❤️
I am trying to 😀
A friend of mine who was a highschool teacher for decades retrained to be a counsellor in her early fifties. I’m a 44 year old conservationist who will be retraining for a completely different industry next year. In some cases those who have always known what to do with their life are more fortunate than most. Often those who have had to try many things discover what they thought was merely a series of dead ends was actually preparation for their greatest achievements.
Thank you for the support. I think about what you said a lot when I reflect on how quitting grad school was difficult but in the end it did benefit me, I just had to keep going through the hard times.
Yes too true
I’m glad you shared, via this post, rather than wallowing in doubt and believing the lies. You answered your own question – “I have to embrace this phase and enjoy it rather than fear it.”
Embrace your present phase remembering that each one of us has a different and unique path. There was another similar comment. All things work together for good. There’s no law that one has to marry or have children at a certain age. You do when you know that you’re ready for the next step and responsibilities that come with it.
Over the years, I have learned to shut my ears to others opinion and just live life the way I am happy about. Gradually, we will fix the puzzle of our lives and until then, let’s keep fixing.
Agreed! I tend to ignore other people’s opinion but doubt sometimes creeps in and the best way to get rid of it is by writing. (at least for me)
☺
Right there with you Luna. The future is definitely scary. I just take comfort in the fact that God created me for a good purpose. I may not fully know it yet but it’s there. At the moment though, I’m just taking life one day at a time.
We will make it through 😉
Worrying about dying won’t alter the fact that we all die and at 65 I am getting nearer to the dying stage than you are Luna. What you have to remember is we are spiritual beings having a human experience, not the other way round. I believe when ‘we die’ our eternal spirit leaves the human body behind and we go on to. our next adventure, whatever that may be.
We all have opportunities and choices to make throughout our life because life is constantly changing.
I wish when I was in my twenties I had known then what I know now.
Trust in the process, live in the here and now, take each day as it comes. At my age and in a global pandemic every day I wake up is a joyful experience in itself.
Live like this and you will find your true purpose in life. You are a very talented young lady, just grab every opportunity that comes along, you’ll be fine, Luna.
All the people around you who are planned up for the next 20/30 years will have a shock when circumstances come along and wreck their plans, while you can sail through life taking it one day at a time and being open to opportunity and choice. This will make you a much happier person and at your age, you have your whole life in front of you. Blesséd Be my friend. ❤👩🦰🧡
Thank you so much for being so supportive <3 It can sometimes be difficult to just keep going without knowing what's out there, being scared of regret, missed opportunities but at the end of the day I just have to do my best and believe in myself - we all do!
We do indeed and always remember your best is enough, always. ❤👩🦰🧡
Luna. Pah! Life probably only begins after 25. Ignore the naysayers and do your thing. I’m going to like this post because I like your writing, but, please! Nick.
Thank you, this comment kind of made me laugh 😀
Hooray x
Luna I am 25, and I’ve had a similar experience to you! I’m working in a job that is different from my degree, but I love it. And I moonlight at night as a writer chasing the wildest dream of my heart. There is no time limit, my mom always tells me, and everything that happens is what is supposed to happen. You have no need to worry. Things always work out as long as you keep striving and keep living <3 You'll figure it out, I never thought I would and I was just as nervous as you, but it does work out. My life and attitude right now is proof! Life keeps getting better as you age <3
It’s comforting to hear this from someone who has had a similar experience. I guess I am still in my “experiment” phase where I am trying to figure out what I want to do, where I want to go. From all of the comments on this post I realized I have to embrace this phase and enjoy it rather than fear it.
I am glad to hear you are out here chasing your dreams, I wish you all the best <3
Beautiful blog
Thank you <3
Please read my post
It is moratorium for a young person who finds it difficult to adjust oneself to the adult world. I experienced the same feeling, but the time required me decision.
I’m 29 later this year and I’ve been where you are. A lot of people that I went to school with have settled down, gotten married and had kids. It used to really freak me out. Was there something wrong with me? Why wasn’t I doing any of these things? It might once have been the norm to have settled down by the time you hit your mid to late twenties, but like you say, tradition like this is a thing of the past. If other people your own age have ‘settled down’, good for them. But you follow your own path and do what makes you happy without comparing yourself to others. Go back to graduate school. Start that business. You’re not taking the wrong path, you’re taking a different path and that’s what makes everybody wonderfully unique. I know people who started businesses or went back to university in their 30s, 40s or 50s. Life and all it has to offer has no time limit.
Thank you so much for being this supportive. I guess that this problem where I cannot relate to the people around me, people I grew up with made me feel a bit alienated and then the “you are doing something wrong and you are going to fail and be alone” doubt came in and it gets louder the older I get. I think I just need to have a bit more faith in myself and build my own path on my own terms.
I startes to the grieving process of being older after turning 40. Before that, I had been enjoying my life in any stage. When I was 24, I just started to embrace the world.
I am currently trying to do so but when there’s too much doubt I have to write about it to make it easier to process. With the amount of positive comments on this post all I have to do is come back to this comment section whenever I start doubting myself
👍🤗💚
I’m 61 and have had a varied and productive life; non-traditional most of the way. And yet, I somehow feel as though I’m just getting started. Don’t waste your days worrying about getting older. Think of the alternative!
I turned 33 this year and I was jobless until a few months ago. I had an eight year career can owing to motherhood n so now in work in a small firm for a pittance. When I feel low about my abysmal salary ppl say thank God that u atleast got a job in spite of the 8 year gap. And mind you I have a bachelors in instrumentation engineering. So just chill..you are absolutely not alone.. There are millions of us in the same boat…as for people who pose a head ache for you, I tell you you must try this art of ignoring. It feels wonderful once you just learn to wield it well. You feel so powerful that you are absolutely in control of your emotions and others barbs and jibes no more touches you. Good luck n God bless dear friend. Loads of love from India.
Thank you for the support <3
I wish you all the best in building your career, don't listen to what they say - neither of us should!
Yes.. 🌷
Kinda feels like that, feels like we have to make new meaning around 35
I am in my late 50s. The tradition was to leave school, get a job, get married in early 20s and leave work to raise your family.
I have had many jobs in 5 different professions. I found back then that they didnt back off telling me how things are until my late 20s.
Think things change very slowly, almost generationally.
Oh and coffee dates…I had my best ones in my mid 30s.
Wishing you all the best
Thank you!
I am 45 and don’t see much difference really. I am told a lot of bullshit too, usually by people in their sixties. We have this one life. It seems to me like a lot of people are racing up to a red light. Job, family, career, degrees, retirement…the grave. Fuck that. Enjoy your life. Relish in your youth. Live this adventure.
Do your thing Luna, wish you the best with whatever it is❣️
I don’t see why your age, a career, being a cat person or even just left handed.. gives anyone the right to judge you or the way you live your life. Who you are cannot be measured in numbers or words.🌹
I’ll be turning 25 this year 😬 I’m not sure what I’m doing with life and it can be anxiety provoking, but I have to remind myself that part of the fun of life is not having everything planned out. There are so many options, and 25 is still really young, so I think we should be more excited about the future, and if something isn’t working out we can absolutely change it and not be stuck.
Loved this post! I totally agree that everyone expects you to have it all figured out. It is also much more commonly expected of us that as we get older, we settle and opt for the safer options as opposed to going after what we truly desire. Here’s to doing whatever is best for us at our own pace 🙌🏾
Opt for the safer options as opposed to going after what we truly desire – you summed up everything I wanted to say in a few words. It’s very hard to live in a rapidly changing world where people put pressure on you to conform to old norms.
❤️
I love thissss as someone in college I’m in a different stage, but I’m around people just like you! And I totally get the whole feeling of being behind/standing out because of comparison.
Im 27 now, and the looming age of 30 gives me a sense of existential dread. I still feel like a child sometimes, in every way but physically. I think Ill always be that way and Im ok with that, just wish there wasnt such an opressive expectation to adapt to ones age.
20 and wandering
No amount of anxiety makes any difference to anything that is going to happen. We are living in a culture entirely hypnotized by the illusion of time, in which the so-called present moment is felt as nothing but an infinitesimal hairline between a causative past and an absorbingly important future. We have no present. Our consciousness is almost completely preoccupied with memory and expectation. We do not realize that there never was, is, nor will be any other experience than present experience. We are therefore out of touch with reality.
You know what they say, your 20s is for figuring all that crap out (at least I think that’s what they say!)… You’re meant to explore all opportunities at this juncture in your life and ponder things… You’ll find your way soon enough 🙂
Couldn’t agree more – a subtle pressure to conform to an outdated ideal that was perhaps feasible when my parents were 24 (like me), but not now.
Trying to navigate a world where multiple careers will be normal and short term gigs will coincide with that – whilst being employed by the generation who have had 1 or 2 jobs in their life.
“Buy a house and settle down”. Has anyone really considered how much a house is?!
EXACTLY! I was thinking about getting my own place in the near future, like a small apartment or something – I gave up as soon as I started researching how much that would cost (not including taxes!)
Beautifully put!
We have the same age. I can relate alot. Sometimes making plans can be beneficial, sometimes it can make you feel disappointed. We are responsible for our own future. We cannot let people decide what is best for us. Reaching a certain age comes with expectations, but you must value what you expect about yourself rather than let people lead you to believe in their own thoughts about what you should have accomplished by that age. We have our different lives, challenges and approach on things. We must strive to give our best shot and live in the moment.
I totally relate! I’m 25 and i know exactly how u re feeling!!
As someone in my 30s, I’ll say that I felt similar pressure when I was around 25, but I haven’t done the “traditional” thing either. I am still changing and growing and trying new things. Getting to a certain age doesn’t suddenly stop that. Please don’t let other people convince you otherwise 💜
I think you say what a lot of us feel/have felt.
I have just turned 30 and noticed over the last couple of years more and more people assume that I am married (since when did being single beyond 28 become wrong?)
Lockdown has been such a great opportunity for me to have the time to reconnect with my creativity. I had fallen out of love with writing by my mid-20s because of the pressure through university and after to get a job, and the expectation that you could just get a job doing what you want, and be sorted just like, as if it all just happens. I have had to go through some dark times, a few reality checks, and be encouraged by others to “cleanse” myself of the “traditional” assumptions of what society expects.
It’s never over in your twenties. Most people get discouraged because our 20s are a deciding factor in what we truly want to do our life and we should every option possible to live the life we truly want. Check out my blog if you’re interested & have a great day !
I felt the same way at your age. Everyone told me I needed to get married, get a stable job, have kids and buy a house.
I just turned 30 in October and the only thing I have on that list is a stable job. But let’s face it, no job is really stable. The pandemic is a great example of that.
Life certainly doesn’t end at 25. My life is great and better now then it was at 25.
No one ever has their shit together.
My best advice is to ignore what people say cause trust me they will always tell you how to live your life no matter how old you are. Do what’s best for you. Stay true to yourself. Stay positive. Push through the worst times as there is always a lesson to learn from the bad and it will def get better.
Life is a journey, most humans act like sheep and conform to what is a linear path in life. It’s imperative to follow your instincts and allow life to take you on a wonderful journey. We don’t always know why certain things and experiences happen to us but it usually happens for the right reasons in the end.
Stay strong, love 💕 and light 🌈
Yes I remember feeling very anxious about work and my life plan in my early twenties. I think it’s important to speak to a close friend when that happens because when i did say it out loud to someone else it helped to debunk those fears and identify them as just fears that are unfounded and sometimes as a result of society pressure which is also annoying and unfounded most times. Thanks for sharing. We all go through this as we go from one stage of life to the next. Wishing you all the best in your journey.
At 24 I think it’s wondering is there more to life we could do . And it’s scary because you get closer to 25 but you have to keep moving forward. And keep drinking coffee
Thank you for sharing this. I’m 30 and still afraid about how to execute my plans. Ever relate to that idea that all you need is courage?
Hey!
I just came across your blog and I love it. I am turning 23 years old in July and I am freaking out! I am doing my third year in Varsity this year, I feel anxious everytime I think about that. I am convinced that time is running out for me but deep down, I know I’m just paranoid. Everything will be okay.
I feel you, Luna! The pressure that people in their 20s feel is unreal and so unnecessary! I’m no more in my 20s and it’s been comparatively liberating. ‘Settling down’ is a mirage and nobody has it all figured out. Moreover, life doesn’t end at 25 as various sources would lead us to believe. Life is right now. I like how you’ve voiced this common feeling most of us go through. Keep growing 🧡
I can relate to this a hell lot.
Luna, I can so relate to you. I am 37, and I don’t have my life figured out yet. To me – why should I even figure it out is my question. Well, I have been pressurized beyond measure too. But then, all I did was stop thinking, am still trying to be myself and living life in my own terms. Though I write, I took to blogging recently and I actually have felt that writing calms me down. Well, I am no expert. But do not worry – You are not alone and you are free to do what you enjoy! Cheers. I loved your writing. 😊
Good read
First you need to know that I’m 73 and life isn’t yet over. When I was 19 or 20 a lecturer told me never forget to play. He didn’t mean a musical instrument, he meant in whatever you do, find the fun in it, experiment and enjoy. So, after a lifetime of being a designer, illustrator, copywriter and photographer (never hugely successful but never poor) I am still ‘playing’, still looking for new horizons,. I recommend anyone to take that advice, look for the fun, the enjoyment, the creative, the exciting in every aspect of your life – play. Twenty-five or seventy-five, find something that satisfies your soul and puts a smile on your face.
I am 35 and still figuring things out This is your journey and only you can walk the path at your own pace. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t let anyone else’s idea of what or where you should dictate your life. Live for you.