I’m drained

Hello everybody!

Lately I’ve been feeling really guilty because I wasn’t putting so much effort in my blog as I used to and also The Poetry Bar has been suffering due to my lack of work. Since I feel a really strong attachment to this blog and I am so grateful to all of the people following me I just felt like I should explain myself.

To be honest, in the last few weeks I haven’t been putting much effort into anything. I just let time pass by, I stopped taking care of myself and it has made me feel completely drained of energy and motivation to work. Actually, I feel like a really big hypocrite because of it since I’m always preaching about self-care and putting yourself first when you need to and I haven’t been doing that lately. The consequences of my behavior are visible on my lack of work on the blog and The Poetry Bar and on my health since I’ve gained weight, been ill lately, started smoking again etc. I’ve been having some issues in my personal life that had a really big impact on me and the only person I am blaming for it is myself and not the people involved because I know that I know better than to have such a negative and self-destructive response to problems.

That’s pretty much it. I am just drained and exhausted. I promised myself to take better care of my health, both mental and physical – actually I am committing to it before things get worse. I hope you all understand and I hope that you don’t hold a grudge because I didn’t post as much, answer to all of your comments and emails. Thank you so much for being here and for reading this and if you are going through something similar I hope that maybe this text has helped you realize that you too need to focus on yourself more. Please do send more of your works to The Poetry Bar so that we can get it up and running again and as soon as I get some more inspiration I will post more work.

Have a lovely rest of the week!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Poem #189

How many lives have you
started tomorrow?
How many lies have you told
yourself to postpone the final
stepping into everything you want to be?
Don’t live in pain and in the fear
of the unknown. Step into everything you
are meant to be.

When you make a mistake you will hurt
but this life you’re living is hurting you too.

Should I forgive my abuser?

Today I decided to do one of my longer posts in which I share my opinions on the subject of abuse, especially domestic abuse. I’ve written about it in some of my posts and I shared pieces of my domestic abuse story on this blog. One of my goals in life is actually to find a way to help abused women and children and to also open people’s eyes about what is abuse and how to fight it properly.

It’s always hard for me to write about this subject because I’m still on my journey of dealing with my past and my experience with domestic abuse so I don’t post that often about it. For those of you who are new to this blog or maybe haven’t read my posts about it, just to sum up – I was abused by my father. He got mentally ill during the war, got PTSD, became an alcoholic and suffered from an identity disorder. The abuse went on for roughly eleven years and he ended up in jail and is currently in a facility where he is being taken care of.

Now that you all are up to speed, let’s get on with today’s subject – Should you forgive your abuser? The answer to this is yes. You should forgive everyone who has done you harm but this situation is particularly difficult because abuse leaves a lot of scars on our soul and our body. I, myself, suffer from nightmares related to the years of abuse despite being already 22 years old and despite not seeing my father for years. An experience such as this one just has a tendency to stick with us forever and, even though you might not see it, this is not a bad thing.

The reason why it’s hard to forgive our abusers is because they rarely say they are sorry. Most of them are oblivious of their actions and consequences of their actions and believe they haven’t done anything wrong so it’s hard to think about forgiveness when you haven’t even heard the word “Sorry” coming out of their mouths. The reason why you need to forgive them is your inner peace. That’s the goal of coping with abuse. You need to find the strength to forgive someone who might not even be sorry just for the sake of preserving and healing your soul and mind.

I will write on my own example. To this day I still have many bad feelings relating to my father but I found a way to be already halfway done with forgiving him for everything he has done. I used to say to myself that he is ill and that deep down he does feel sorry about his actions, but it was hard for me to believe it when I would get flashbacks of him beating up my mother or me escaping through the window of my house because he threatened to kill me. As time passed by I realized that I have to be the bigger person or I will never be able to escape my past. Every now and then I pray for him. That’s right, I pray for the man, for my own father who abused me just because I have grown enough to realize that he doesn’t perceive reality in a way that I do. I also realized that he probably denies everything he has done because it’s a defense mechanism. On some level his mind is blocking the horrible acts he has committed to protect him from facing himself. I began to forgive him so that I could find peace and put my past to rest. On some strange level I found some positive sides to what he has put me through. I don’t want you to think I’m weird for doing it, I promise I will explain everything in a different post.

By wishing the best for him, hoping that the universe will give him the strength to face himself one day and see all of the things he has done wrong I began to discover serenity. You need to rise above the situation in order to move on and you can’t do that without forgiving the person that abused you. If you forgive them, you will first benefit yourself and after the hell you’ve been through you deserve it.

Holding on to abuse and hating the person that did it to you can only lead to further problems in your life. You could develop serious trust issues or become unable to establish a healthy love relationship with someone (I know I have my troubles with this). Step back, take your time and discover within you what it is that you need to do in order to forgive your abuser. Don’t think about him or her, don’t think about anyone else except yourself. This is actually where one of my favorite quotes applies: First, put your own oxygen mask. This sentence just resonates on so many different levels, despite it being a warning on a safety video on planes. Give yourself air, fix yourself, heal yourself and without noticing it you will forgive the person that did you wrong and it will be the most liberating experience of your life.

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Believe yourself

One of the motivational quotes all of us have heard is “Believe in yourself”. I completely believe in that concept and I think everyone should believe in themselves and have faith that they can do whatever they want and believe they are enough.

Today, less and less people believe in themselves and have low self-esteem. There are many factors to blame for this, for example maybe someone has insulted you or bullied you or you went through a traumatic experience. Also, there is our perspective of ourselves. We often compare our life, success and looks to other’s and this makes us believe we are not good enough or that we lack something which consequently leads us to stop believing in ourselves.

There is also one more thing about which I want to write about today that stops us from believing in ourselves. We don’t believe ourselves. I know its similar and I know some of you are like “what is she talking about” but let me break it down for you with examples. All of us have at least 4 times in our lives committed to exercising and being fit and the majority of us gave up on that idea every time. Another example for my students out there – every year you promise yourself you will catch up with work on time and won’t leave your studying and essays for the last minute and you do it anyways.

These are not just words. These are promises we keep on breaking. We do not stick to the word we give ourselves and this is building a negative mindset. If you don’t believe what you promise to yourself, how on earth are you supposed to believe in yourself? This is a question most of us overlook and it leads us to run in circles of getting an idea, trying, giving up, feeling like a failure and then again getting an idea… You get the point. The only way to break this is to keep the promises we make to ourselves.

When you constantly give up and break your word, it actually gets easier for you to make a new promise. You say to yourself that you will get up in the morning, have a healthy breakfast and go for a quick run and you actually do it. You feel great but what’s the problem? With time your comfort zone starts to manipulate your brain because you’ve allowed it to do so on so many different occasions. Your brain did not perceive that promise as something solid because you’ve broken it on so many occasions. In the end you find yourself right back with your old habits which make you comfortable but do not fulfill you. You have made your word insignificant and meaningless to your brain. It’s time to change that. You need to be able to believe what you say to yourself every single day!

I have a few steps which could help you stay committed to your goal and to keep your promise to yourself. So firstly, you will write your promise down on a piece of paper and keep it in a place where you can always reach it whether it’s your wallet, phone case or something else. Read the promise loud to yourself a few times.

After completing the first step, it’s time for the second. Make a plan that you will be able to stick to. And I put the emphasize on the last part. Don’t put too much on your shoulders because the weight will drive you to the ground and you will give up again. For example, if you have a busy schedule and want to work out don’t tell yourself you’ll do it every day. Do it every other day, or promise yourself that you won’t let more than two days pass between workouts. You will stick to your plan and it will bring up all of these positive emotions and you will feel accomplished. With time you will expand your plan, make more time to fulfill your promise because it will make you feel great.

The third step is to withdraw yourself for situations which will make you break your promise. Let’s say you have committed to eating less junk food and sugar. Acknowledge the situations in which you feel like eating junk food, for example while you’re watching movies, going out with friends or feeling sad. Just stop watching movies for a while, until you develop your healthy habit. Don’t stop going out with your friends, but when you do opt for better food, one that you know does not contain a lot of sugar and unhealthy fats. Just make sure you set an environment in which you will keep up with your promise. When your will becomes stronger you will spontaneously start doing things you did before without even thinking about bringing back your bad habit.

The fourth step is to write down your progress and all the benefits you have had because of it in order to be grateful for it. Gratefulness is such a beautiful thing which inspires a lot of positive emotions in us and it makes us send out a positive vibe to the universe.

When you keep up your word you will start believing yourself and you will start believing in yourself. These two processes are a dichotomy and they can’t exist one without the other. The promises you give yourself are every bit as important as the promises you give to others. The most important meeting you will ever have is a meeting with yourself and the most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Make sure it’s a healthy one! Keep up with your promises, keep up the good work and be grateful – it will lead to positive change and a happy life.

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Scratch under the surface

We live in a world of a commercialized life. We sell it on social networks and in the eyes of other people. We have created a superficial picture of what our lives look like and for some deranged reason we are trying to convince ourselves and everyone around us that surface is all there is. Expensive clothes, a rich social life, throwing around cash, making new trends… But where are we under all of that pile of shit?

This trend is specially developed on Instagram. It became the runway for our #ootd and the main weapon we use to show people how good we are having it, how happy we are, the new things we bought, how much fun we are having and I am not using this article to point a finger at anybody. If I wanted to point fingers I would first point it at myself because I do this just like everyone else but what I can’t understand is why is this trend becoming our only reality. We started to forget how to talk to people about our real problems because you can’t have problems when your life has to be picture-perfect with the right caption. Scratching under the surface became an unknown term for us.

That glass surface has to be broken and we have to stop selling ourselves and our worth. Instead of blindly following trends and desperately trying to fit in we should stand out, celebrate our individuality and accept people for who they truly are. All of that polished surface will not buy us a good personality, happiness, love for ourselves and 200 likes on an outfit post or a selfie will never make you feel good about yourself in the long run.

All of us enjoy that little stimulus social networks give us, but we have to draw a line between what is real and what we want to present as real. Reprogram your brain in a way it thinks in the same amount about your actions and attitude as your appearance and the social aspects of your life. Stop hiding yourself in order to fit in. Do you really believe that years of evolution should result in all of us acting, thinking, believing and saying the same thing? We are not born to be robots.

Enjoy a bit in listening to other people, discovering facts about them instead of only looking at their pictures and reading their captions. Scratch under the surface. Learn how to enjoy small, sweet moments of your life instead of looking for Insta-perfect moments to share with the world. When you wake up in the morning don’t immediately turn on your phone to catch up on what’s been going on while you were sleeping. Take a few minutes for yourself to wake up, eat something, arrange your thoughts, think about your plans and to build a positive look on the day ahead of you. Use all of your senses to be completely alive and present. Just, scratch under the surface.

 

Link to the article  BAD FEMALE, GO TO YOUR ROOM (and escape through the damn window): https://www.ebay.com/itm/352457536757

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