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I Might Sit and Cry in Public

Hello guys! 

I’ve had the week from hell. It was one of those weeks when everything just piles up and it’s not positive things, but negative things, stress, work issues, private issues. Everything was just going downhill and not for a day or two but from Monday to Friday. And then I had to pack my stuff and come home for the weekend.

As you know, I have a driver license but I do not drive or own a car so when I am coming home I go with a train. Yesterday I reached the peak of my shitty week. The Croatian railway system is not a trustworthy one. I got to the train station earlier as always and bought my ticket through their app. While I was waiting for the train, the speakers did the tn-tn noise and a lady informed us that the train I was supposed to go home with will NOT BE DRIVING THAT DAY. EXCUSE ME? Something like this always happens when I go home. Either there is a big delay or the train is just cancelled so this was no surprise but with the week I had I did not need that to happen this time as well. 

That was at around 5 and my next train was at 8 in the evening. I went to the helpdesk to ask if there will be a replacement or an earlier train. The lady kindly informed me that there was an accident and that we can take a train to one city, then from that city go to another train and then get off the train at another city (where the accident happened) and wait for a bus to get home. 

Here I was already at the point where I just wanted to yell at her because I had so much rage inside of me but I decided to just get out of there because I worked in retail, I was a waitress and worked customer care and I know that employees are not responsible for my bad experience and my bad week.

I decided to go and take a bus back home and I had to wait until 7 for my bus. Then I wanted to return the ticket for the train and get my money back. Guess what? They do not refund train tickets bought through the app. Here, I kind of regret not causing a scene at the train station because that is just shitty.  

I walked to the bus station in hopes I will walk out my rage a bit. Didn’t help. I was angry, sad, frustrated, hungry, pissed off and alone.  Here I was at a point where I just wanted to sit down and cry. Finally I got home at about 8 in the evening. I left my place around 4:40, the distance I had to travel to get home was about 45km and it took me more than 3 hours to finally get home.

I had a lovely time today with my family but I had to go through hell to get here. My family now has an inside joke that whenever I come near a train station, they have an accident. I am a terrible driver but due to my negative effect on the trains, my family suggested I get a car and put people on the road in danger for a change. These jokes are not funny to me.  

I hate these tipping points. That moment when after experiencing several negative things, being frustrated, one inconvenience happens (such as a train getting cancelled) and you just break down over that one inconvenience and you want to sit down and cry, even if you are in public. I hate that feeling of not being able to control myself and how people just think you are crazy because you want to cry and you are furious over one minor thing. It’s never one thing. 

It’s always a whole bunch of bad things and that one minor thing that pushes you over the edge. I did not want to cry because a train got cancelled. I wanted to cry because nothing was going right that week and I needed a fucking break and I was not getting one. 

I am better now, had a lovely day. Tomorrow I have to go back which means that I have to go on a train. Very excited to see what will happen with the train tomorrow. Maybe they just cancel the whole train line forever. It’s not like it’s of much use now.  

Maybe I should check if there are any buses going on Sunday. I am already getting anxious about travelling tomorrow again.  

I am going to go and watch “Shadow and Bone” on Netflix. If you like these types of shows, watch it! It’s so interesting.  

Also, you should watch my latest Youtube video (shameless promotion): 

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #365
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9 replies on “I Might Sit and Cry in Public”

Bad weeks can be hard to take and you are right it is never just one thing like a train being cancelled, it is always a culmination of bad things. I am glad you got a good day with your family. That is one good day after a week of bad days, onwards and upwards, I say! 😎

Maybe control is overrated, eh? Stress hormones do things that we may not understand. They are nice when real danger comes, but if you figure out how and why they gang up at other times, let me know!

“It’s never one thing.” Juuup! Relate! I have shouted ‘fuck’ in the heart of Brussels because of bad happenings. After that I just placed myself on the grass, looking upwards at the sky. Could not cope with anything anymore. Usually I hold everything inside. Like you said in another post, how we should always be happy, never angry or sad. Definitely not with tears. But at those tipping points, it’s hard.

Good thing you didn’t yell at the employee. And I’m glad you got to your destination okay! More meditation and mindfulness have made me mentally stronger. Have you done something like this?

Good luck!

I can so relate to this, and the saying ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’ perfectly sums up this feeling. Glad that you’re feeling better now, Here’s to the strength to face more bad days should they come. Love your video by the way! The differences between Croatia and Slovenia is lost to me since I’m on the other end of the world in Malaysia, so I loved learning more about your life. Thanks for sharing!

Do whatever you need to to feel better my dear. I don’t know why we always tell people not to cry, crying is healthy!!! It’s a release and soothes the body. You look and are such a beautiful human being 🥰 So much love and continued grace and blessings to you always 🙏

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