You might think that breaking yourself
should be painful but it’s easy.
By the time I had to consciously decide
to break my will, my mind, my soul in pieces
I was already comfortably numb so I didn’t feel it.
It’s like flipping a switch,
closing and opening your eyes
to see the world from a new point of view.
I was now standing on the mutilated body
of the person I allowed myself to be.
I felt disdain for the corners of my own mind
in which I hid to get away from experiencing pain.
Oh, the fake lives I lived inside of my own head!
I only believed I was okay because I was emotionless
but there was that gut feeling that started taking over.
I choked up seeing myself in the mirror,
I wanted to burn the house down reading my old works,
I slept with the light on because I could hear the silence
I was driving myself insane and I knew then and there
crouched up in the little red corner that I had to break myself.