It has always been just you. From the moment you came to the world in that hospital in Munich to this moment where you are sitting behind your laptop on your couch it was always only you. You are the constant in your life, yet you fail to see the flaw in your own ways.
Why can’t you be enough for once? When you are all by yourself, you can manage you. You knew how to love you, how to take care of you, how to cook for you, how to fight for you but as soon as someone steps into your life all of those things are erased. You treat loving yourself like a burden and as soon as you find someone, you want to pawn off that assignment to them. It doesn’t work like that.
You have been in this circle way to many times to not know how it ends. You know damn well you will be left broken sooner or later. You will have to pickup the piece again and again because you stop caring for yourself as soon as someone shows up who can do that instead of you. You are not too much and you are not a burden.
In all this chaos, you undermine your own strength. You forget just how powerful and resilient you are. You are just a bit too young to be going through this and a bit too experienced not to recognize this toxic pattern of behavior you exhibit.
Get yourself in line. Show up for yourself for a change. You did it before and you know you can do it again. Why are you running from who you actually are? Yes you do have quite a bit of scars, baggage, trauma but you have a whole lot of soul left in you. If you could fight through it all as a child on your bedroom floor writing in your notebooks, you can do it now that you have so much more power and knowledge than you used to.
It’s going to be hard and you are going to want to shut down and crawl back into your shell, but you have to fight through those rough patches.
Just show up for yourself.