I feel like my life updates on this blog are currently: I am okay / I am getting depressed. That’s it. I think I need therapy.
So yes, I have been consistently working on myself, eating better, working out, reading, meditating and then something just happened. But nothing actually happened. Like my body and mind are just fighting against the good decisions I am trying to make for myself. It’s like I am inviting chaos in my life and I cannot control it.
It all started on Sunday. I was just so damn emotional and sad and lonely. I got up on Monday at 6 as I do to do my workout before my job starts and I barely made it through. I felt itchy the whole day. I couldn’t sit still but I also didn’t want to move. But there was this uncomfortable energy inside of me.
And then I broke my clean eating and all of my good habits by binge eating. That was the alarm. That’s when I was like: January is about to repeat itself. Shit.
I barely made it out of bed this morning. I stayed in bed longer which is usually a sign for me that I am either ill or just not doing well. I was fighting with my craving for nicotine. I drank my coffee and the only think I could think about were cigarettes. I felt so bad. I had to have an internal talk with myself about how far I came without cigarettes and that it’s an unhealthy habit that is not easy to break and that I shouldn’t go back.
And then I sat down and decided to write because pretending I am fine and pretending like this is just a small issue is not going to work for me anymore. Putting stuff in writing means that I admit they are real. That’s why I write about my feelings and insecurities and problems and everything. Otherwise, I don’t consider it real and do not deal with it.
So yes, it’s important for me to let the world know that I am in a grey area. I am doing my best to not go to the dark area of my mind and to spiral again as I did at the beginning of the year. Getting better is a journey and I have to be honest with myself about the good and bad times of it.
All advice, book recommendations and other forms of help are welcome. This is a step forward, I am saying that I need help but I am also well aware that I need to first know how to and do everything to help myself.
I am sorry if you find my posts about being depressed or cooking boring but that’s what my life is currently and that’s okay.
This is also a reminder for you to check in on yourself and check in on your friends and family because someone might seem very happy and okay but they are going through hell in their head.
Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna
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If your body and mind are fighting against the effort to make yourself better, it’s a good thing. Any change faces résistance, either inside or out. Keep doing you, and know that you’re not alone!
Thank you <3
Hope your feeling well soon. xoxoxo
Thank you!
Hi Jackie, how are you doing today
I hope you get better Luna and that your mind gets a chance to heal. I offer you one suggestion and it is that you pray. Whenever my strength is low and my resolve is weakening I cry out to God for strength. Try do the same, ask God to help you. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” Jeremiah 29:13
Thank you for your advice!
I have not done this before, however therapy is probably a great option.
I have had a transformative experience a few years ago that began with me writing down the top 10 things I was angry or resentful about…
The purpose of this this list is to find out what you’re afraid of due to the fact that there is a direct relationship between anger and fear.
The reason why we don’t write down what we are afraid of is because we either don’t know or we won’t necessarily be truthful about it if we did.
Bottom line is if you tell me what you are angry about, I can tell you what you are afraid of.
Once you know what you are afraid of then these can be classified into reasonable and unreasonable fears which I for one found helpful.
This is very interesting, I never thought about it this way. The last few days have been all about writing this stuff out, I will 100% do this list. I am interested in where it will take me and I am glad to hear it helped you!
I understand how you feel and have been there before and am there again. I am also working through things so know you aren’t alone…meditation has been a huge comfort. I had to take a day off from work and work on myself with meditation and just be me today. Sending lots of love and strength your way and shows great strength to share.
I hope you are working through your issues as well. Meditation really helps to calm the mind and see things clearly and once the fog is lifted we can continue on working on ourselves. I wish you all the best!
Lots of love 🤗🤗🤗❣️♥️
I have been there but always believe in magic ✨🌈
Lots of love to you too <3
Thank you for your honesty. The positive thing is that our emotional states are not static. Here’s hoping yours shifts for the better soon.
Thank you!
I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to see your message! I haven’t been very faithful with this blog. Thank you for reading and commenting!
Wishing you strength and hope!!
Thank you!
You are so very welcome!
You are not alone…the fact that you shared what you are going through it’s a step in the right direction…and I respect you for sharing…coz it’s one thing I’m good at…I’m sorry you are going through this…and I hope you feel better soon.
Never appologizing for seeking help…I believe I speak for everyone when I say we are here for you…you can vent out your thoughts and feelings whenever you want/need to.
Lots of love 😍
Thank you! Having such a supportive community is really amazing and helps a lot now.
Sending healing thoughts your way 🙏 stay strong beautiful soul, much love 💕 and light 🌈 to you and your family xx
Thank you!
Try to relax fr few days n try meditation
Will do!
My advices: 1. Calm eating rich in vitamins. 2. Listening to good music Indila – Mini world. 3. Focus on preparing your youtube videos.
Sending positive vibes!❤️🙂
Thank you for the tips!
You are not alone. And admitting the truth is good. I share my struggles through my blog too! And people need to know we all have struggles. But there is hope. Life is hard but God is good. I hope you know what a Tender Fatter God is and that He loves you! Thanks for sharing your heart! Keep up the good work here. ❤️
I could relate to this so much Luna. I feel the exact same. And, it’s been so for the longest of time that I can remember. Sending you lots of love and strength.
Lots of love to you too, I hope you will feel better soon <3
Sometimes you need to accept what you can’t change. Not forever, just for now.
Change can’t be forced, if there is resistance.. you aren’t ready for it yet. And that’s ok! When you are ready it WILL feel right. Just do what feels right, nothing more, nothing less. When you get a feeling to do something different, go with it. And trust that everything will work out exactly as it is meant to work out. At the right time. The time that is right for YOU.
You can’t change everything all at once. So just relax. A small win is still a win.. ✌🙂
This hits the nail on the head when it comes to me. I always try to make big, massive changes all at once and overwhelm myself in the process. I decided to work through this step by step and I can already see some changes. Small changes, but still positive changes. Thank you for the support!
I’m sorry you’re not doing well. It is perfectly normal to seek therapy and I hope everything works out for you. 😊
Thank you!
It’s okay not to be okay, life is a roller coaster and there are so many ups and downs. I can definitely relate to not being okay. I have tried therapy and it does help, it’s somehow easier to share your troubles with a stranger than your own family and friends. (At least for me). My advice is just to take it day by day and to focus on the small victories, it helps! I’m sending positive and good vibes your way! ☺️
I am glad to hear therapy helped you, I am still thinking about it and also trying to work through not being able to discuss my issues with people who are close to me. Sending lots of love your way <3
I am so sorry you feel this way. You are not alone especially regarding binge eating because I have done this and still do it many times these days in lockdown life. It’s hard – I commend you for sharing this. I hope you are able to pick up the phone and speak to your best and close friends about how you feel. Sending hugs and love to you 🤗 ❤❤❤
Binge eating and emotional overeating is a habit that’s hard to get rid of, especially if you spend most of the time in the house like we all are now. Hope you are doing well and sending lots of love to you <3
I commend you on this post. I do therapy once a month. It does help to talk it out to a third party. I wish you the best path my friend to a better state of mind. Much love ❤
Thank you! I am glad to hear therapy is helpful to you 🙂
Luna, I’m a Christian and I have my daily battles. God remains faithful and His Love and Grace encompass me about, Cry out to God, He’s an ever present help in time of need. He’ll carry you like He’s carried me. God loves you so much.
Sincerely, Kevin
Amen!
hey sending positive energy and love your way. Would appreciate it if you could check out my page!
Sending you good vibes. I know that exact feeling all to well.
There are better days coming.
Thank you!
My dear, I am sending you so much live right now while you are investigating you and how to heal. A great new book by a leading holistic psychologist here in the U.S. is by Dr. Nicole LaPera called “How To Do The Work” about self healing. Here is the link https://www.amazon.com/dp/006301209X?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
I also want to offer my healing services to you. I invite you to check out my blog page, in the menu tab of listed services. I work long distance with people all over the world. In the meantime, be patient with yourself and allow for grace. Healing takes time, I have been on this journey for 10 years but really honed in on my soul work in the last 21 months. As a shaman I believe all physical, emotional and mental ailments are rooted in a dysfunction of spirit on an energetic level. I see these past scars in others and heal them through the aid of Spirit. Shamanic healing is said to be like 10 years of psychotherapy in 1 session, it’s incredibly profound and what has brought me awake and alive in my own body after years of struggling. Sending you so much love and light my dear. You are brave, you are strong and you are on your way❤❤❤
Thank you so much for being this supportive! I am glad that I actually shared this with everyone instead of keeping it all locked inside my mind because having this community and a fear-free space to share my opinions and emotions is healing for me. Keep up the good work on your blog!
Absolutely, Amen sister 🙏I love you and celebrate you here for sharing. You are a bright light with all that you share and the work of others, like me that you highlight on your blog. Sending you such healing light and love 🌠🥰❤😊🙌
Luna, be self kind. 2020/2021 has been horrendous for everyone, global pandemics are new to all of us and life is out of kilter. You are blogging, reflecting, being open – means you are doing better than many. Keep up the good fight, no religious links from me as an agnostic- self kind it is allowed. Thanks for like on my post today.
Thank you for being so supportive!
I’m on this boat as well, conflict between what’s good for me and the bad habits I’m already used to it. But I refuse to give up, this year I’m going to be all about rooting for me, loving myself and growing that partnership with God.
On book recommendations, I’ll suggest Joyce Meyer’s Battlefield of the mind and How to succeed at being yourself. Yea, the struggle is real and those books are helping me. I hope they can help you too, love & light.
The books are going on my “To Read” list! Thank you for the recommendation and I wish you all the best <3
It is so good that you recognize that you are not your best right now. I have a daughter who struggles with mental health issues and ADHD. I understand how hard it is when your brain and body don’t seem to be cooperating! I have had my own issues with anxiety and just feeling worn down. Both my daughter and I have benefitted from good therapy and (for us) medication. I highly encourage you to consider seeing a psychologist and since COVID….there are so many that can do this through telehealth/computer sessions. Remember you are worthy of feeling good and well again. Take care and best wishes!
I wish all the best and am sending lots of love to you and your daughter <3
I am exploring the therapy option and trying to find something that fits me and until then I can always come here and have my therapy through writing :)
Sending you love Luna!
There are many environmental stressors which trigger our internal chaos. You are doing what are available to self care so good on you. Sharing your most inner self with us is humble and humbling.
I stand with you remotely and let the light stay alight to edge the doom and groom out. 💚
Thank you so much for being so supportive! Sending lots of love your way <3
💚
You’re not alone in this.
Don’t be harsh on yourself. Accept what you are going through and acknowledge all the small steps you take to get out of it.
It’s going to pass – you surely know that. But maybe acknowledging that so many other people are going through similar things can bring some relief.
Take care.
All of the comments full of love and support have had a healing effect on me and thank you for your support!
I’ve been where you are. Small decisions to not do what needs to get done, what should be done to stay on track, here and there and it piles up into a mountain of ‘I can’t do it’. I’m done. Hope you find the strength to take baby steps back and realize you can fail, eat junk food, lie around like a hibernating bear, smoke, drink and throw a tantrum and you’re still a precious person, a beautiful creation.
Thank you for the support! I did overwhelm myself with getting everything right and staying on track but it was a lesson to take baby steps from now on.
Honey, it is ok to not be ok. There are plenty of people here listening to you and we all want to help in any way that we can. smoking… I smoked for 47 years and I quit on the 60th birthday. I have been quit since July 2019. Almost two years now. It wasn’t easy because it was MY LIFE for so long! but it IS a habit that you can break. You can do this, I know you can. You just have to take things one day at a time. There is a lot of fantastic advice here in these comments. Put a smile on your face, be strong and be so proud of what you have accomplished. Take a walk and let the air clear your head and know that it will get better! I do not know what your religious convictions are but for me, prayer has always got me through the bad stuff.
Thank you for being so supportive and congrats on quitting smoking, I know how challenging that is!
Thank you really for sharing this ❤️🙌🏻
I’ve been like that lately. It’s just something that happens.
For me.. I’m working a lot which is fine/great. Working on long term goals and staying on track…
But in little pauses I feel flat, like I’ve lost sight of who I am and what I enjoy and even just too tired to really do any of them. Chaos, it’s just wanting to break the routine. I kind of just label it as a gap between one thing to the next; if that makes sense.
Maybe not depression but boredom? It can sink into one. Things just feel monotonous and it’s like the body/mind wants to shake things up to feel alive for a bit. General feeling of being out of touch.
I can 100% relate to all you said and I am sorry to hear you also feel this way. We are in this together and we will get through this! We can’t always feel good and acknowledging the issues is a step in the right direction, for both of us. Stay strong <3
Your later more specific explanation makes complete sense.
It gets better, not worse. I mean by phases. Creeps up, then eases down over time. My specifics is stressful situations can bring up a negative voice in my head (thought process) that makes me get more stressed out.
Luna, Stick with us. Don’t go anywhere. It’s a very brave and ridiculously hard thing sometimes to admit how you feel to paper. I know. Just hang on. Give your purpose time to matter to you again. I am currently battling with matter. I try so fucking hard and then everything, including myself seems to sabotage me. Always sleep on it. I know. It’s too easy to fall into that endless sleep that drags you into the darkness. But sometimes, you wake up, and you smile at the sunlight streaming through. Maybe you feel that flicker of hope in your heart area again. Maybe. Maybe. That’s what we ultimately trudge wearily onto the next day for, isn’t it? Because what if “it”, that nameless whatever that catches in our throat every time we find ourselves, unwillingly sometimes even, looking to see what comes around that next corner, what if, maybe, this time, it’s arrived… Checking in, Luna. Don’t check out, we need you.
P.S. Apologies for this being so damn long winded🙃
With Sincerity and Gratitude,
Becca Waits
Thank you for being so supportive! It was hard writing this, posting a youtube video about this but I am determined not to keep things locked up anymore because I don’t want it all to eat me up on the inside. For me writing was always my form of art and there’s healing in art, we just have to be brave enough to embrace it. Sending lots of love!
Hi. I don’t believe I’ve visited your blog before, it was just an impulse for me even to enter my “reader,” which I’ve only recently discovered. Well, you asked for book recommendations, and I have three.
Lost Connections by Johann Hari is specifically about depression. I am a decades-long off-and-on sufferer, and this is the best book on the subject that I’ve seen. He traces anxiety and depression to nine kinds of “lost connections” to: meaningful work, other people, meaningful values, childhood trauma, status and respect, nature, a hopeful or secure future, and genes and brain changes. It will help you to select important goals.
The Willpower Instinct by Kellly McGonigal, Ph.D. got me to wash my dishes when seemingly nothing else could. Once you have goals, you may need this deep and broad book to help you stick to your path to them.
Finally, Ryder Carroll: The Bullet Journal Method. Essentially you turn a notebook into a year-long, free form, day planner. The busier you are, the more you really, really need this book. If you’re on Twitter, hashtags #BuJo and #BulletJournal will show you what others are doing after being inspired by The Method. I haven’t looked elsewhere on the Internet, there is probably a lot more available.
I am 73 years old, an unpublished writer, ex-con, and blogger.
Hoping this helps. Good luck.
Alan
The first book you mentioned sounds incredibly interesting. All of them are going on my “To Read” list, thank you for the recommendations!
We understand, Luna. Self-care is of the utmost importance and sometimes, we need to vent and have someone to talk to. Know that we care and you’re among friends here. Sending you lots of love and light! <3
Thank you for you support, sending love your way <3
You’re very welcome, Luna! 💞
Thank you for your honesty and for being so brave. One word of advice? Have compassion for yourself and speak to yourself lovingly, like you would a dear friend. Peace and blessings.
Thank you for the advice!
Finding a therapist is the best mentoring you can give yourself on this journey. Be as good to yourself as you are to others.
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing. Today, I felt so down again. I don’t know how or what happened. Its like a dark cloud just came over me. It happens often though. Anyways… Hope you feeling better today.
Thank you!. I know those days all to well and I hope you are doing better. I can see you are writing about it on your blog and I know how much courage that takes so congrats on being so strong! Step by step and we will work through it 🙂
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you saying that. Indeed, it is a step by step process. Today, I still feel down, but not as bad as the other day. Hope you feeling much better too.
Aww girl it’s going to be okay we all go through a rough patch but how we overcome them is what makes us stronger. You are so strong and I am proud of you for making it through another day. I know it’s not easy but I promise it will get better and you will get stronger! It’s line that saying “Time heals everything”. It does so be patient with yourself, take time off you deserve it. You are doing an awesome job beautiful!! Your story is not over yet❤️😊
Thank you for being so supportive <3
I am doing better, writing and being open about this is really helpful.
Sending lots of love to you :)
I feel you… These days are so common and just pop up out of nowhere for me too… Especially after a few good days… *sigh… Hope you’re feeling better…
Thank you!
Luna, Goddess, don’t give up and live, every second, minute, hour, day, everything still starts … even good
Thank you!
I love this post girl, it’s far from boring! You’re so normal. I’ve been where you are numerous times and it’s such a tough spot to be in. But you’re doing it! Just remember it’s temporary ❤️ Know you’re not alone. Realise your strength. You’ve already addressed your feelings now you’ve got to control them. Sounds easier said than done, I know. But it can be done. You’re already getting there by the steps you’ve taken.❤️ Stay positive and treat yourself with kindess! Wish you well gal! Feel free to contact if you ever need a chat.
Thank you for your support! <3
Writing about this was so scary but it was absolutely a step in the right direction for me, now I just need to continue on doing do work which isn't so hard with such a supportive community behind me :)
You’re so right girl! Honestly be proud of yourself for getting this far and keep it up 💜
A mind catching narrative with lots of thought to ponder.
Hi. It was my first time reading your blog. I’m listening. I have dealt with depression too.
‘Depression and cooking’ – that just about sums up my life!
Hi, I was going through grey days for an year now from my anxiety and panic and the best thing that has worked for me is the book called Dare and the app. It has given me a whole new perspective about my thoughts. Quite often we get so involved with thoughts that we feel trapped but this app helped me realize thoughts are just thoughts. You don’t have to react to each one of them. They are just chemicals and signals in your brain. Try this. It really helped me. I hope it helps you as well. 😊
Can totally relate to this, I’ve been feeling the same over the last few weeks. Hope you are feeling much better soon! 💕✨
Hope you are doing well. I know it’s difficult but what I do is to keep engaging myself in doing something that I love.
Feeling the same way myself. I always get out of these moods by occupying myself with creating writing. But that’s not working today. Need something nice to happen to me and I know that it will not.