No matter how many boyfriends, friends with benefits, one night stands and crushes we have there will be that one person that will stay engraved in our memory, whether it’s our first boyfriend/girlfriend, first person we kissed, loved or slept with. They will just be there forever.
For some they will just be a beautiful memory but for the majority of us it becomes a weak spot. It becomes the person we run back to no matter the circumstances. This running back to can be compared to driving your car straight into a wall even though you know you’re going to crash and burn. Oh yes you know what I’m talking about, that one ex who can tell us that they will pretend they don’t know us the next morning but we will still be like:”Honey, I’m here and I have no self-control when you are around”.
I’ve met that person a few years back and from my own experience I can say that this situation is the single, most stressful thing when it comes to relationships. I just feel like kicking him out of my head and putting up a sign “You are not welcome anymore” but there is a mechanism stopping me from doing it. And I, being honest with myself, know what that mechanism is all about and believe me that it’s the same thing with you.
The feeling when you’re with that person is overwhelming and it feels right and the pain is familiar. The pain of losing that one person over and over again isn’t hard because you are used to it. You’ve established coping mechanisms to deal with it. You know that the pain comes in waves and that it comes only when you feel completely alone, hear a certain song, on a certain date or on a certain place. You only think it’s coming in waves but it’s actually not. It’s constantly there and you just learned to live with it.
We hold on to those exes because it’s easier to live in a disaster you know how to survive than to let your heart wander and find someone else who could hurt you in a way that will be new, in a way you don’t have a mechanism for. When you think about it, it’s actually sick. We are depriving ourselves of happiness and love by holding on to the old just because we don’t want to face everything that comes with it.
I’m not the one who can tell you to snap out of it because I haven’t done that yet but I’m trying and it’s hard to just loosen my grip after years and years of being comfortable in the pain and a few heated encounters. It’s hard to find the thin line between passion, love and hallucination. It’s hard to give up on the person that makes you melt and makes your emotions heightened, makes you feel every second you have with them and makes you believe that there’s something more than a habit between you.
It’s hard but it’s not impossible. That person will never get out of our head but you will learn to control yourself. You will learn to let your heart go and you will learn to accept happiness without turning on your defense mechanisms. Stop running in circles and step out of your comfort zone. You will drive into many walls and crash and burn before you find the person that will let their walls down in order to keep you safe but you need to stop running into the same wall over and over again.